


The Falling Storms

by madameruth



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-07-24 06:46:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7498215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madameruth/pseuds/madameruth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-endgame story, taking place a year after Voyager's return to Earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know the summary is vague, but I don't want to give anything away (all the summaries I came up with, in my head its like I gave the whole plot away-- I hate writing summaries). I thought it was long overdue for a J/T post-endgame story, and so The Falling Storm ensues. Also, I got some ideas fro the story from Tracy Cook's series, Rites of Passage-- this is a great series that I've read so many times over the past few years, that I could repeat it to you backwards.

It was the 1-year anniversary of Voyager’s return, and tonight Starfleet was hosting the reunion. Admiral Kathryn Janeway, former captain of the _USS Voyager_ , walked up to the grand hall and took a long, deep breath before entering. _Just remember to smile Katie, and you’ll make it through just yet,_ she told herself. Applause erupts as soon as she walked through the double doors. _Here we go._

As the evening progresses, she continues to catch up with her former crew members. Seeing all of their happy faces and hearing all of their exciting stories puts her in a much better mood, and she decides she can get through this evening after all. At the moment she’s enjoying listening to Celes and Billy tell their tale of how they got engaged. Suddenly, someone from behind calls out to her.

“Kathryn! How are you?”

She stiffens immediately, and her stomach flips. Just the person she hoped would be too busy to even make it.  “If you’ll excuse me. But don’t go anywhere far, I want to listen to the rest of that story,” she winks, then turns to meet her former first officer.

“I’ve been well Chakotay,” she says as she gives him a hug. He holds on just a little too long and she has to pull herself away. “How’s married life been treating you?” Its not that she has anything against him, she doesn't know if she wants to be friends with him just yet. Even after the events on Voyager with the Admiral, Chakotay still ended up marrying Seven. Apparently Chakotay didn’t feel the way Kathryn felt. _I wonder if he really loves her_ , she thought. _Oh well, its over and I've definitely moved on. One day I’ll be able to talk to him and not feel awkward._  

“It’s tough, but you know how it goes, anything worth having is never easy. Seven’s doing well, she is currently at Utopia Planitia constructing a new warp core. The deadline’s soon, so she and Leah Brahms have been working overtime this week to try and finish it,” he says, beaming with pride. "She sends her greetings, and regrets not being able to make it."

“That’s absolutely wonderful Chakotay. I’m so glad Seven is adapting to Earth so well.” And she really means it, she’s proud of her former protégé. She looks around the room, and spots B’elanna sitting at a table holding Miral, trying to feed her. Miral looks none too happy at the moment.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have to speak with B’elanna about a personal matter,” Kathryn lies.

“Of course Kathryn, we’ll talk later.”

 _We’ll see about that_ , she thought. She makes her way over to B’elanna as quickly and gracefully as possible.

=/\=

Miral Torres spots her godmother walking towards her. She squirms on her mother’s lap, trying to reach out for Kathryn. Becoming frustrated, she starts to whine.

“Miral, hold still. You need to finish your supper,” B’elanna says as she tries to maker her daughter sit up, but to no avail. She looks up to see whom Miral is trying to reach for and sees her former Captain making her way to her table.  

A grin breaks across her face. “I’m so glad you came Admiral, I didn’t think you’d come.”

“I only came to see my goddaughter, and no one else. Now hand her over,” she laughs as she takes Miral from her mother and sits down in the seat next to her. “Admiral, B’elanna? I’m not an Admiral tonight.”

“Of course Kathryn,” she grins.

Miral immediately stops crying, looking up at Kathryn who is smiling down at her . She loves little Miral with all her heart, and having no children herself, this is the perfect excuse to spend all her time with her. Even though she hasn’t seen her all that much throughout the year as she would like, time spent with her is always a joy, even if she did posses her mother’s temper.

“Hey there little one. How’s my favorite niece doing, huh?” she coos, poking Miral’s tummy. “Are you giving your mother trouble?”

Miral giggles. “Kaaaat,” she says, pointing to her godmother. Miral decided long ago to start calling her godmother her own version of Kathryn, since it was too long a name. The only other person who calls her that is B’elanna, but she doesn’t mind because she ends up calling her Lanna anyway. Over the last year and a half, her and B’elanna have become close friends.

“Yes my little darling, your Aunt Kat is here.” She looks up at B’elanna who’s smiling up at her. “Where’s Tom, Lanna? I haven’t seen him at all this evening.” She bounces Miral playfully in her lap.

B’elanna’s smile turns into a sad one. “He left 2 days ago for a 18-month mission. He couldn’t tell me where he was going, but they had to leave immediately. All I know is Starfleet Intelligence commed, and six hours later I was watching him beam away at the transport.” She tries not to show her anger, but more than angry she’s hurt. How could Tom just leave her for a year and a half, without any contact whatsoever? How was she supposed to raise Miral on her own? She knows she can do it, but the situation makes her think back to when she was a little girl and her father left. Just like now, it made her feel sad and alone, and quite scared (though she would never admit to it). Above all, she’s hurt for Miral. He’s going to miss the most important years of their daughter’s life. Will Miral even remember her father when he comes back? If he ever does…?

“Oh Lanna, I’m sorry, I had no idea.” Her heart ached for her friend, and she could see the hurt in her eyes. How could Tom leave B’elanna and Miral behind, not to mention for a year and six months? Not so long ago, if she were in Tom’s position, she would have done the same.

“Its okay Kat, Miral and I will be fine. We’ve still got Elizabeth and Owen, and Chakotay said he would help out and visit every once in a while.” She looked away and then turned back and smiled. “I’m glad most of us are living here in the city, I couldn’t imagine being somewhere else all by myself.”

Kathryn puts her hand over B’elanna’s on her lap. “I hope you know you’ve got me too B’elanna. I don’t live that far from you, and the only visitors I have are my mother and Phoebe, so you and Miral would be a nice change. My door is always open for you, you know that." She removed her hand and grabbed Miral's, kissing the back of the little hand. "Sometime soon you and Miral will come over for dinner. And before you say anything, no, I won’t cook. I’ll call one of the restaurants and order from there,” she smirked.

Before B’elanna could reply, Miral tried grabbing the spoon from her plate on the table and ended up sending the plate of food to the ground. B’elanna quietly picked up the food as she listened to Kathryn and Miral.

“Are you hungry little one? Let’s go fix you a new plate.” She looked at B’elanna making sure it was okay. “You don’t mind, do you Lanna?”

“No, go ahead Kat. Come get me if she’s too much,” she waved as Kathryn walked away with her daughter. It always surprised her how comfortable and motherly Kathryn was with Miral. She couldn’t have picked a better godmother for her daughter- it's one of the things she's never regretted.

“B’elanna! Its so good to see you!” Harry says, breaking through her thoughts. He’s smiling from ear to ear. 

She stands up to hug him, slapping him on the back like old times. “Starfleet! You made it!”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t miss a chance to see everyone. I go back to the ship tomorrow morning. You know how it is, duty calls,” he laughs, and then becomes serious. “Hey, I’m sorry to hear about Tom leaving for that long. If you need any help with Miral and I’m around the area, call me. I don’t mind watching my little niece, and I’m sure it’ll give you a break.”

“Thanks Harry,” is all she says, trying to hide her watery eyes. She knows Harry means well, but she already misses Tom more than she can say. She’ll just have to get used to being alone for the next year and a half. “I think I’ll go get Miral and head home. It was good seeing Harry. Good luck on your mission, and don’t forget to call us earth-dwellers now and again,” she joked.

“I won’t B’elanna.” Harry watches her as she walks away, and hopes she will be okay on her on. He knows B’elanna is strong, but even the strong sometimes fall and he doesn’t want to see her unhappy. An ancient saying comes to his mind: ‘If B’elanna ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy’. _Poor Miral_ , he thought.

She retrieves Miral from a bemused Kathryn, says her goodbyes, and heads home to a lonely apartment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a while to post this! Kidney stones are no fun whatsoever. Also, I apologize if there are grammatical errors, and please tell me if there are!

“Mmm,” Kathryn hums as she takes her first taste of coffee that morning. All the PADDs and communications she has to go through now seem a little less daunting. Coffee always gave her that extra push she needed.  _It’s going to be a long day,_ she thought. Between Admirals Hawthorne and Nechayev, she didn’t know who was giving her more work. They gave her all of the diplomatic problems because she is the “expert”, having been doing it for 7 years in the Delta Quadrant. _It could be worse. I could be constantly traveling from planet to planet handling diplomatic problems that way. No, I’ll just do my work planet-side… for now..._ she thought.

Suddenly, her comm beeps with an incoming call. The noise scared her out of her thoughts and now half her cup is all over her desk.

“Damn,” she curses. “It better be someone important.” She presses the comm to open the link. 

“Good morning Admiral!” 

“B’elanna! You’re sure in a good mood this morning for someone who just made me spill my coffee over my desk.” she smirks as she dabs at the spilt coffee remains on her desk. "Be glad you're physically out of range. Is this business or pleasure?"                  

B’elanna's grin is wicked. "Am I to be put on report Admiral?"

Kathryn was totally caught off guard at the coquettish look on the younger woman's face. "For spilling my coffee? Not this time Professor, but don't make that same mistake twice," she joked. "Is this call business or pleasure?"

B'Elanna laughed. “I have no business to report to you this early in the morning Kat. I just knew you would already be there in the office. I’m still in my pajamas as you can see and Miral is still sleeping.”

“You know me, the forever work-a-holic,” she grins, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. “I miss the little one. You know I haven’t seen either of you since the reunion and that was three weeks ago. How are you?” She promised she would have B’elanna and Miral over for dinner soon after, but she never got around to asking. She is always so busy, and by the end of the day, just completely exhausted. Which, as always, never left room for a personal life. 

“We’re fine, and Miral’s doing well actually. Look, I wont keep you too long- I know you’re busy. I just called to ask if you wanted to get together to have dinner?” She continued on before the older woman could answer,  “Miral misses you, and Kahless knows I need someone to talk to who actually responds besides babbling or giggling.”

“I would love that Lanna.” Janeway laughed as she sipped the rest of her coffee. “When?”

“Are you busy tonight?”

“No, I’m not. Lets say… 1900 hours, my place?”

“Perfect,” the brunette smiled.

They talked for another 20 minutes about work and this and that, before ending the transmission.

The rest of the day dragged on for Admiral Janeway, and she thanked every deity there was for no surprises lurking around the corner. When she had finished all the work she was going to get through today, she glanced at the time and saw that she had only an hour before B’elanna and Miral arrived. _How time flies when your having fun_ , she mused. She raced out of her office, locked the door behind her, and all but ran to the transport. She sent everyone home early this afternoon, so she was the only one left. When she arrived home, she decided to call Romans, a Greek & Lebanese restaurant that she favorited.

=/\=

With only ten minutes left, there was no time for a shower but a sonic one would do. Kathryn tried to hurry as she dressed and brushed her hair and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. Putting down her brush she ran through her bedroom towards the living room.

“Coming!” she yelled as she walked down the hallway towards the front door. She looked at her self one last time in the hallway mirror, and, deeming herself presentable, opened the door.

“Lanna! Miral!” Kathryn exclaimed as she hugged the both of them. “Come in, come in,” she urged as she stepped to the side and let them enter. “Let’s go into the living room.”

Miral was already trying to get to Kathryn. “Hold on Miral, we just got here. Give Aunt Kat a break.” B’elanna set Miral down and put her baby bag on the chair. Miral immediately started crying.

Kathryn knelt and looked down at the crying infant. “Now Miral, there’s no need to cry. Not in this house. Come give your Aunt Kat a hug.” She reached for Miral who reached back, quieting down once she was in the older woman’s arms. “Now little one, why are you being so fussy, huh?” She kissed the tip of Miral’s nose, and then turned back towards B’elanna. “The food should be here soon. Would you like something to drink? Jean-Luc gave me a bottle of wine the last time I saw him, and I’ve heard good things about this one in particular.”

She followed Kathryn into the kitchen. It always amazes B’elanna how quiet and content Miral is when Kathryn is around. She’s not a whiny child, nor does she cry easily, and to see her cry _and_ whine when Kathryn doesn’t pay any attention to her is perplexing. Recently, the only one allowed to hold her is B’elanna. _But that’s probably because Tom’s not here_ , she thought. “Okay, I trust your judgment. Just not white, I can’t stand it,” she grimaced.  

“Grab two wine glasses from the cabinet behind you. I’ll open the wine. What would Miral prefer, juice or water?” she questioned while opening the bottle and trying to keep Miral from knocking it over. She pushed the bottle towards B’elanna and motioned for her to open it.

“Juice, and she’ll have water with dinner.” She poured it in the two glasses and handed one over to Kathryn. “Where’s the replicator, I’ll get it.”

“I got it. One sippy cup with apple juice.” The replicator whizzed in reply with a red-covered cup. She handed it to the small child in her arms, grabbed her wine glass, and went into the living room to sit on the couch and B’elanna in the chair next to it. “How’s teaching at the Academy going?”

B’Elanna teaches a hands-on engineering class at Starfleet Academy. Her father-in-law, Admiral Owen Paris, gave her the opportunity when they had returned from Earth, stating that Starfleet would love to have their students being taught by a brilliant engineer. She hesitated with taking the job, but with Tom’s encouragement, she accepted. “I’m actually enjoying it, even if my last class ends at six. I still get to be an engineer, and the Academy doesn’t interfere with my teaching methods— which would have been a problem if they did. The students enjoy it as much as I do, even if I’m a little too hard on them,” she laughed.

“You have to be hard on them. They’ll thank you later for it though- trust me. What about Miral? What do you do with this little munchkin?” Kathryn kissed the top of the girls head.

“She goes to daycare.” She takes a sip of her wine. “Mhmm this wine is good.”

“The Academy daycare? And yes, I wish I had more bottles hidden away,” she smirks.

“Well with Tom gone, it was easier to send her there.”

“Wait, I thought the Academy daycare closes at 5:00?”

“Oh they do,” B’elanna said. “I hired Annalisa, a cousin of Tom’s, to pick up Miral after daycare and stay with her until I get home. Hopefully next year I won’t have such a late class.” The doorbell rang and Kathryn put Miral on the floor with some toys she had brought and went to answer the door.

“Dinner’s here!” Kathryn exclaimed in the hallway. She hasn’t eaten since mid-morning and she swears her stomach is about to eat itself. Over dinner they laughed and they gossiped, just relaxing and having fun despite Miral’s attempts to start a throwing contest with her food. 

During a lull in conversation, Kathryn thought about their friendship. Even though she’s known B’Elanna a long time, she still feels like she doesn’t _know_ her. She wants to get to know her on a more personal level, and wants B'Elanna to know her more personally as well. Kathryn hasn't had someone to open up to in years, and she craves that kind of friendship now. They have become close in the past year, but not close in the way she would like. And she likes the young woman, likes spending time with her and is always comfortable in her presence. With Torres, it was so easy to get wrapped up in their similar, and sometimes crass, sense of humor, and their mutual enjoyment of solving problems. It was so easy to forget the outside world. _It’s so easy to get lost in that face…_ That last thought definitely caught the Admiral completely off-guard, and dropping her fork she reached for her wine glass, somewhat choking on the thought as she swallowed it down before it bubbled out of her mouth. Coughing fiercely, she stood up and walked over to the replicator and asked for water between coughing fits.

"Hey," B’Elanna said, getting up from the table and bounding over to her, "are you alright?" Rubbing her back, she waited patiently while the redhead recovered.

"Yes," Kathryn said, her voice weak from the attack. "Went down… the wrong… way," she said between breaths. "Thank you."

"You know, you’re supposed to chew your food before you swallow," B’Elanna teased, patting her on the back one last time. "Even Miral knows that." Hearing her name, Miral squished a piece of meat in her hand and giggled.

Coughing again and rolling her eyes at B’Elanna’s ever-present wit, she whispered, "I think I’m through with dinner."

Looking at her own practically empty plate, and not quite feeling hungry anymore, she said picking up the plates as the captain sat down at the table, breathing deeply, "Yea, kind of ruins the mood." After depositing the dishes in the replicator so that the matter could be recycled and used again, and cleaning up Miral and the mess she had made, she ordered a water for herself, and a black coffee for Kathryn, knowing if she didn’t want one this minute, she would soon enough. That was one thing about Kathryn Janeway that was predictable, nor had it changed from when they were on Voyager. Wherever the Admiral was, her trusty mug was never far behind. Taking the cup over to Kathryn whose skin had lost its beat red hue now that she was breathing easily, she said, "Here, maybe this will help."

Accepting the gesture happily, Janeway croaked, "Thank you." After taking several sips, ignoring the slight pain the heat caused the tip of her tongue, she said, "Well, that was certainly interesting." She stood and they made their way back to the living room. It wasn’t until a few hours later that Kathryn brought up Tom. She wanted to know how she was handling things being on her own, and totally cut off without communication from her husband. Kathryn can understand how she must be feeling. After being stranded light years away from Earth and leaving her fiancé, Mark, behind, there’s a certain sense of vulnerability and loneliness that start to creep in on those long, hard days.

“So Lanna, how are things going?” At B’Elanna’s confused look she said, “Without Tom I mean. How are you getting along without him?”

“Its okay, we’re making it,” B’Elanna said, just a little too casually for someone who hasn’t talked to her husband in over three weeks.

Kathryn waited for her to elaborate, but the younger woman changed the subject instead.

“You must have worn her out Kathryn,” she laughed, pointing at Miral.

Kathryn hadn’t realized Miral had fallen asleep in her arms.  “Poor baby, she must have had too much fun at daycare today. She’s like deadweight in my arms,” Kathryn chuckled, kissing Miral’s little nose.

“Klingons are heavy sleepers. Trust me, she could sleep through an encounter with the Borg,” B’elanna joked. “Here, let me take her. It’s time for us to be going anyway, I didn’t realize it was so late.” She took Miral and picked up her bag. “Thanks for dinner Kat, it was nice to have another adult to talk to. Next time, we’ll do it at my place,” she smiled.

“Anytime Lanna, and I mean it. Be careful going home,” she said as she stood at the door watching them go.  “I’ll talk to you later this week!” she yelled, waving. B’elanna waved goodbye as she disappeared around the corner.

_This really was a nice evening_ , Kathryn thought, as she closed the door. She decided to take a long bath, and relax before another long day at the office tomorrow. _We need to get together more often._ She poured lavender and sandalwood bath oils into the tub, her favorite two scents that always relaxed her. _But where did that thought come over dinner that had you choking?_ Of course B’Elanna is an attractive woman, Kathryn’s not blind. She had always been attracted to both men and women, though she hadn’t dated a woman since her early academy days before Justin.

_Maybe Phoebe was right,_ she pondered. _Maybe it is time for me to start dating again._ She eyed the bottle of wine that she kept on the ledge of her bathtub. _But then again, maybe not…_ she smiled as she reached for the bottle.


	3. Chapter 3

Over the next few weeks, Kathryn, B’Elanna, and Miral had dinner together weekly, either dining in or going out to a few of their favorite restaurants. On the weekends, they went to the park, visited friends or had them over, or just hung out at home and relaxed. The two women never went more than a day without talking to each other, never got tired of each other’s company.

This weekend was spent at the Janeway beach house on the coast of Santa Barbara. Kathryn wanted to get away from the busy life of San Francisco, and B’Elanna didn’t hesitate to accept the offer. On Friday, they packed their bags and before noon, left for a much wanted, and needed vacation- though short it was. 

Once they arrived, and settled in, they headed for the beach in their back yard and stayed there for the rest of the after noon. Kathryn was really excited that Miral ended up loving the water, and couldn’t wait to bring her little one in the tub with her. Knowing how much she loved her baths, B’Elanna rolled her eyes and hid her grin at the other woman’s excitement. 

Janeway insisted she cook dinner that night, and B’Elanna was a little nervous because her culinary skills were not much to be proud of. She had heard too many stories from Chakotay about their ‘weekly dinners’ on Voyager, and when they ate together during the week, Kathryn always ordered out or B’Elanna did the replicating.

“If I burn dinner, I know a seafood restaurant that’s not too far from here,” Kathryn had joked. 45 minutes later they were trying to explain to the maître d’ why they didn’t have a reservation… at a popular restaurant… on a Friday night. It took some convincing and a little negotiating, but they were able to get a table. 

B’Elanna was thankful to get back to the beach house that night. All three of them were exhausted from the sun and dinner, so they took their showers said their goodnights, and looked forward to a fun-filled day tomorrow. 

=/\=

B’Elanna Torres awoke with a sharp intake of cool air, automatically stretching her arms far above her head, expecting there to be plenty of clearance for her luxurious stretch. Forgetting she was sleeping on a bed that was pushed up against the sidewall, her knuckles impacted solidly against it as she yawned. Opening her eyes, retracting her arms immediately, it took her a few seconds to remember where she was. Then yawning quietly again, remembering that her daughter was in the bed on the other side of the room, Torres pushed herself up onto her shoulder, peeking over the nightstand to look at an empty bed. _Kathryn must have taken her this morning,_ she thought. Feeling completely energized now that she wouldn’t have to wake up a cranky half-Klingon, B’Elanna threw the covers off her legs, and stood up into a full body stretch. Feeling the morning chill that still hung in the air, she put on her slippers and walked through the house curious to see what the other two were up to. Not finding either one, she looked through the kitchen window and found them sitting on a blanket by the beach, with an umbrella for shade. Kathryn looked to be feeding Miral something as she held her in her lap. She smiled as her heart swelled at the love and care Kathryn always showed to Miral. _Could you honestly expect anything less from her Lanna?_

She hurried from the kitchen to her bedroom, changing into her purple bathing suit and grabbing her music player before heading out to meet the other two. Walking up to the umbrella, she said, “Good morning. Sorry I slept so late, you should have woken me up.”

“And subject myself to your pleasantries?” Kathryn smirked. She had on her sunglasses, and wore her black two-piece today that B’Elanna especially liked.

"Right," B'Elanna said as she eyed the older woman’s body. _Damn she still looks good. Thank god I remembered my sunglasses.._ B’Elanna noticed Miral had fallen asleep. “Ya know we shouldn’t let her sleep too much, she only just woke up. I want her to be able to nap this afternoon.”

“Well, I hate to tell you that we’ve been out here for a few hours,” Kathryn laughed, slighty rocking her godchild back and forth. “We came out early this morning, and it has to be around one o’clock by now.”

“Kahless, you really did let me sleep late. It’s not often I get to, so thank you. I appreciate it,” she said softly, touched by just this little act of Kathryn’s. It’s very rare Tom would wake to check on Miral before she does, and when he did, she was usually woken up an hour or so later to feed her.

Kathryn looked up and smiled brightly. “You’re welcome Lanna, I figured you could use the extra sleep... I just fed her lunch, so I’ll go put her down for her nap.” She stood up and added, "Do you need anything inside?"

“No, I'm good.” 

As Kathryn walked away, B’Elanna remember a scene that had occurred almost eight and a half years ago. They had only been in the Delta Quadrant a few months, and Tom had created one of his legendary holoprograms: an old fashioned bar, set in Paris, France, called _Sandrine’s._ The senior staff had all gathered there to try and get to know one another in a setting they could feel comfortable in, and after a few drinks and several rounds of pool, Janeway had entered with Harry Kim. At first the Captain’s presence royally pissed Torres off, figuring the mood would surely go down hill as it tended to do once the boss showed up. Torres fully admitted that her first impressions of Janeway weren’t at all flattering, to say the least. She seemed boring, arrogant, indignant, untrusting… and so very dignified, it utterly made B’Elanna cringe to think about on it, considering what she knew now. And the process from what she thought then to what she knew now had started on that faithful night.

Torres almost laughed out loud as she remembered the smarmy gigolo that had come on so directly to the captain, but Kathryn Janeway had never faltered a bit. Torres remembered how uncomfortable she had felt when the captain had brushed the man off as if he were nothing, laughing the whole time. She hadn’t even been phased by the piggish man, treating him kindly and moving past the moment with a grace that still astounded the Klingon, who had wanted to punch the guy in the nose from the moment she first laid eyes on him. And then as if to make matters worse, Janeway had actually joined in the pool game. Torres recalled sitting at the bar, almost holding on for dear life, certain the woman was about to make a complete fool of herself. It wasn’t that Torres was really worried about the captain looking witless, but she was certain that once she did, everyone would make excuses for her, something the Klingon acutely loathed. But that’s not how it had happened at all. Janeway had played them all for complete fools, breaking the balls squarely and pocketing several solids on the first strike. Within ten minutes she was set up to clear the table, and the brunette remembered fondly how she had actually made the shot while not even looking at the ball. It was a moment of complete and utter confidence, and when Torres had left the bar shortly after that, she knew that she had greatly underestimated her. Sure, she was still arrogant, cocky, unyielding, indomitable and certainly still very much dignified to this day, but boring- that was the last possible word Torres would ever again use to describe her former captain and now Admiral. 

"Hold this," Kathryn said, untying her wrap and handing it to Torres when she came back. Without further delay, feeling the need to cool off after standing for several minutes in the direct sunlight, the redhead waded into the water, this time barefoot, taking care where she stepped. Once the water was deep enough, she sunk down, submersing for several seconds before she popped up to the surface.

Feeling totally ridiculous holding Kathryn’s wrap and staring at her as she splashed around, B’Elanna laid the thin garment next to her on the blanket, where she could not only watch the redhead enjoy the water from a safe distance, but also get an unobstructed view of her when she came back. _Lanna, you’ve got it bad… and that ain’t good._ Smiling at her deviousness, knowing very well that she indeed had it in a bad way for Janeway and was starting to warm up to the idea as each minute passed while the Admiral displayed her graceful, wry limps, Torres leaned back on the blanket, propping herself up on her elbows so she could watch. Whenever Janeway would look her way, Lanna would smile and hold the stare, feeling brave and utterly reckless… but having way too much fun to stop, at least for now. _Hell for all you know, she might be enjoying the attention? So why not see where it goes? We’re both adults… she’s certainly never been afraid to speak her mind before? Why not flirt with her while you can… hell, maybe you’ll actually find out what she’s really like underneath all that Starfleet protocol?_

_For Kahless sakes… what are you saying, girl? That’s Kathryn Janeway you’re drooling over. And what about Tom? You know, your husband? Your daughter’s father? The man you’re in love with? The one who is god knows where, coming back god knows when…?_

_But Kahless… look at her… I wonder what she’s like? I wonder if she’s demanding and controlling… likes to have her way even in bed? Or maybe she prefers to be submissive, considering she has to be in control all the time? Yea, I bet that’s what she likes. She wants someone to take control… make her lose control… god, yes… I want to make her lose control. I want to see her…_

_B’Elanna Torres… stop it… stop it right now you stupid idiot! Look at yourself, will you! You’ve got to stop this right now or you’ll ruin everything. You’ll lose her trust and her friendship. Is that what you really want? To lose everything you worked so hard for just because you can’t keep your mind out of the bedroom? You can’t start an affair… that would your life._

_But Tom might not ever come back. Tom is not here. It’s Kathryn who’s been here for me, looking out for Miral and I. It’s Kathryn who I would call first if I’m in trouble, and she would drop everything to help me._

_I am falling in love…_

_And boy I am in big trouble._

_I am in trouble… right?_ she questioned herself. _But even if I do succumb to my feelings, Kathryn would never return them, so get over it please!_

Sighing, realizing that she was absolutely right, there was no way Kathryn was going to compromise herself. B’Elanna pushed herself up as Janeway came out of the water, sparkling like a diamond in the rough. As Torres watched the woman walk lazily toward her, running her hands through her wet, darkened hair, and ringing out the excess moisture, B’Elanna stared at her despite her thoughts of why doing so could very well be the biggest mistake she ever made. Torres delighted herself at how Kathryn’s mostly straight, strong body lines, curved in, ever so slightly at her narrow waist, and how her firm nipples tightened against the cool, fabric of her black swimsuit. She drank in the sight of the small circles on the side of the suit that exposed the Admiral’s pale, normally covered torso, and how her long, thinly muscled legs carried her slight form across the sand. When Kathryn approached her, holding her gaze with equal intensity, as she always managed to do no matter what the situation, then breaking it as she bent down in front of her to retrieve her wrap, giving Torres a spectacular view of the her lightly freckled chest and modest cleavage, B’Elanna’s mouth went completely dry. When she sensed that the Admiral was about to look up at her, she averted her eyes, looking down at her own bare legs, knowing that if the woman had looked up just a second earlier, she would have seen right through Torres… if she didn’t already. _You are in so much trouble, B’Elanna Torres._

The rest of the afternoon went pretty much the same way. Janeway read her book while Torres listened to music, albeit not as loudly so she didn’t disturb Kathryn, who looked like she was one of those people that could keep reading through a warp core breach. Every hour minutes or so, usually when B’Elanna went to check on Miral, Kathryn would put her book down, take off her wrap, that was so wet now it clung to her figure like a second skin, and splash around in the water until she was cool. Then Torres would watch her walk in, the image of the redhead’s body now branded in her mind for all eternity, towel off lightly and go back to reading. Every so often, she would apply another dose of sunscreen and turn her back to Torres, handing the bottle to her over her shoulder, signaling she required assistance, which the engineer gave readily. Then she would mumble her appreciation and turn her attention back to her book, leaving Torres to her music and to battle her raging hormones.

They returned to the beach house a few hours later to wake Miral from her nap so she could at least sleep that night. As B’Elanna picked her cranky daughter up from the bed, she heard Kathryn curse loudly from her bedroom. Worried, she walked with Miral towards the back of the house where Kathryn’s bedroom resides. “What’s wrong Kat?” B’Elanna called from the doorway of the bedroom.

“As much sunscreen as I put on today, I still managed to get a sunburn. I just don’t understand it... This is the reason I loathe my pale skin,” she said distastefully. “You can come, I’m in the bathroom.” 

When she saw the older woman, she gasped, trying to stifle her laughter. “That looks like it hurts like hell.” 

Kathryn gave the infamous death glare at the younger woman’s reflection. B’Elanna couldn’t hold it in anymore and burst into laughter. She knew she shouldn’t laugh, but the redhead was the exact color of the lobster they had for dinner the night before and she told the other woman so.

“I do not!” She could see B’Elanna wouldn’t stop laughing anytime soon. “This is not funny B’Elanna,” she scolded, trying to hide her grin. She finally gave in to the younger woman's infectious laughter when she saw the tears slide down her face. They laughed until B’Elanna playfully slapped Kathryn, making her shriek in pain. “Ow Lanna!!”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” she said sincerely, no longer laughing.

“I’ll forgive you if you rub some soothing cream on my back,” she smiled deviously.

B’Elanna rolled her eyes and said playfully, “Fine, if I have to. Let me put Miral down in the living room first.” Her hearts wanted to leave the confinement of her body. _Oh my god, not again._ Once she put more toys out on the floor and set her down on a blanket to play, she made her way back into Kathryn’s bedroom. She walked in just as Kathryn was walking out the bathroom, who only wore her bathing suit bottom with a hand towel around her top half.

"Here ya go," Janeway said, sitting up and producing the lotion for B’Elanna. Once the brunette took the bottle from her without any more prompting, Janeway went to the bed and laid on her stomach.

 _This is hell… this is what hell is like,_ B’Elanna thought, lathering up her hands. _Now I know what’s waiting for me. This is it. Once I die, I’m going to relive this moment over and over and over again._ Noticing that Kathryn hadn’t added any of the soothing lotion to her arms yet, B’Elanna took one of Janeway’s thinly etched arms in her strong hands and rubbed in the lotion liberally, but softly, watching carefully for any negative reaction, but there was none... nor was there a positive one. Switching to the other arm, now feeling somewhat like the game was afoot as she noticed that Janeway had closed her eyes, she softened her touch, just a little, and let herself squeeze Janeway’s biceps, feeling the long, thin, wiry muscles tense just a tad, almost squeezing her back. Then releasing the arm to put more lotion on her hands, using too much on purpose, knowing it would take her a while to rub it all in, she smeared it across Kathryn’s back to get some off her hands and then started in on the Kathryn’s graceful neck. _You’re trying to get her to respond B’Elanna Torres, but it won’t work,_ she scolded herself. She didn’t know why she wanted the other woman to respond, she just knew she wanted her to, and desperately. She rubbed her neck slowly, going as slow as she could without it seeming unusual. And finally… _Kahless, finally_ … Janeway responded to her ministrations.

The massage felt too good not to enjoy it, so Kathryn moaned softly, a small smile tugging at the corners. When B’Elanna put both of her slightly rough, strong, but tender hands on her shoulders and began to massage them deeply instead of just rubbing in the soothing lotion, Janeway said softly, "Mmm… you're so good with your hands... why am I not surprised you'd be good at massages too?"

About to reply with a comment that would have been so far across the line she would have had to travel at a warp factor of nine for days to make bring it back into view, she said, instead, still playing, but trying to slow herself down, as she slid up just behind the sunburnt woman, taking her right hand in hers and rubbing her thumbs into the area between her knuckles, "Only the real lucky ones know".

"Hmm… well, I don’t know what I did… but I’m grateful," Janeway said, quietly, seductively… and knowing it, but not able to stop herself yet.

 _Oh my god… she’s flirting! Kahless, she’s really flirting. Ease down… ease down… she likes to flirt, she’s done it before. That’s her way… she flirts to show affection… don’t read too much into it. Ease down… keep her going… slowly._ Releasing Kathryn's right hand and moving over to the other one, making sure not to lose contact for a second, allowing her hands to wander across her shoulders and down to the other arm, she asked, totally changing things up, hoping to continue the game, "That book you were reading earlier… is it good?"

"Uh huh," Janeway nodded lazily, trying to remember the title. "It’s called… _The Way You Make Me Feel._ " As Torres finished with her left hand and started on her back again, moving lower, and powerfully rubbing in the rest of the lotion, she stated, "It’s one of my favorites."

Worried that if Janeway started talking about the book the moment would be lost, she changed gears again; however not as drastically, as Kathryn arched her back when Torres pushed on her lower muscles. "You read a lot, don’t you?"

B’Elanna was certain someone was banging mercilessly on a gong behind her, the white noise in her head was so chaotic she was certain if she couldn’t see and feel Kathryn’s body in front of her, she would have thought she was dreaming… or dead… or something… anything that this. Did Kathryn know how easy she was suddenly making this? Or worse, was she doing it on purpose? Suddenly, B’Elanna was completely conflicted. Should she continue on with this quid pro quo, or should she stop now before it got way out of hand and they ended up doing something completely insane… like kiss… or heavens, worse, make love? But was it really worse… because it felt so damned right? And why in Kahless’ name was she suddenly developing a conscience? _Why does right feel so wrong? God, I’m going crazy!_ Completely unable to make a decision, B’Elanna just remained silent, but kept rubbing the captain’s neck, hoping the sound of her hearts pounding furiously against her chest wasn’t audible… certain it was, though. When Janeway didn’t open her eyes, or move to stop despite the sudden silence, and instead kept making small, humming sounds in the back of her throat, B’Elanna decided it was time to stop and pray to high heaven that the incident would pass without too much awkwardness. She glanced around desperately searching for something, anything she could use to end this madness safely. Hearing her daughter bang one toy against another from the other room, her mind latched onto that and she whispered, "Kat… you still awake?"

“Hmm…?” She opened her eyes and moved up onto her elbows taking in a deep breath. “Yes. Thank you Lanna for putting the lotion on me… and for the massage..,” she finished quickly, glad the sunburn hid her blush.

“No problem. When you’re dressed, come out and we’ll have dinner,” she said with a small smile.

Once the bedroom door was closed behind her, Janeway leaned up against it, bringing her right hand over her eyes, and then her mouth to keep herself from cursing her very existence out loud. _Ohmygod! How could I be so stupid… so selfish… so completely irresponsible? I will NOT do this… I will NOT allow it. I cannot use that woman’s vulnerabilities to my advantage. NO, I won’t stand for it. God, when did I become such a raving lunatic?_

_Okay, now you’re being absurd. So what… you’ve got a thing for strong, intelligent, beautiful women… no big shocker. Must you always be so dramatic, Kathryn?_

_Yes! Yes, I must when I go around acting like some thirteen-year old boy chasing after every piece of ass that comes my way! Look at me… I’m a mess… a total disaster. God, I need something to distract myself from Lanna. MIRAL, yes, I'll just distract myself with Miral..._

_Katie, w_ _ho are you trying to fool?_  

Janeway had always been intrigued and attracted to the younger woman from the first time they met on _Voyager_  all those years ago, but it wasn’t until fairly recently that she gave her attraction much thought. Most of it was because as a woman, she was truly appalled that Tom would leave his wife and their one-year-old behind for a mission that he could have declined, which set off a reaction in her to somehow make it up to B’Elanna. She knew, of course, that she really couldn’t make up for that kind of hurt, but she had tried in her own way to show B’Elanna that she did deserve to be acknowledged for the bright, wonderful, beautiful woman that she was, and that she was cared for. However, the plan, somewhere, now seemed to be backfiring on the good Admiral. Now after really getting to know her, the redhead was finding it harder and harder to step away and just let her attraction go back to the level of a distant- very distant- admiration. Now the more time she spent with her, the stronger her feelings became, and the stronger her feelings became, the more time she wanted to spend with her. Sighing, suddenly feeling weary, she went to the dresser to get dressed and decided that a meal and a good night’s sleep would do her some kind of good.

When she emerged from the bedroom, now dressed in a tank top and cotton shorts to not irritate her sunburn, she was surprised to find that B’Elanna was playing with Miral on the floor.  

"You made dinner already?" she asked, a little bemused to see her on the floor playing with her daughter. 

"I thought maybe you can make it tonight," B'Elanna offered. She was holding Miral's little hands trying to get her to walk, and not having much success by the looks of it. 

"Oh no you don’t," Janeway waved her finger. "I attempted to cook last night and made up for it by making breakfast this morning... it’s your turn."

"I made my own breakfast and lunch today so it doesn't count," she came back, catching Miral as she fell forward.

Pursing her lips and narrowing her yes, Janeway gave in, knowing she was probably not going to win this battle with any ease, and said, "Fine… how do ham sandwiches sound? Now that… even I can’t screw up."

"You’re the boss chef tonight... But that sounds good to me. Good thing too," the feisty half-Klingon smirked looking up, "I don't think the maître d’ would believe us if we showed up again because you burned dinner."

Kathryn scoffed and turned her back on the younger woman walking out the room. "I'd be nice if I were you. I could just make dinner for Miral and I and leave you to fend for yourself."

"I don't think you'd do that," she yelled, making sure the older woman heard. "You like me too much."

 _More than you know,_ Kathryn smiled to herself as she input their dinner choice into the replicator. She picked up the food and made her way back to the woman and child she was falling way too hard for. 

=/\=

That night Kathryn couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned and tossed again. Whether it was from the sunburn or having too much on her mind, she didn't know. She knew from too many years of experience that she would not be getting back to sleep so she hopped out of bed hoping some fresh air would do the trick. Wishing she would have brought her silk nightgown, she threw on her flannel pajamas carefully, not wanting to irritate her sunburn again. 

She opened the door to her room carefully. Not being able to help herself, she peeked into the barely moonlit bedroom where the other two were staying only to find one bed empty. She tiptoed, even though she knew her little one wouldn't wake up, over to Miral and lightly kissed her cheek. She smiled, whispering, "I love you sweetheart," and left in search of B'Elanna. She walked through every room in the house only to find them all empty.

Mildly worried, she poked her head out of the still open door, catching a chill from the now very cool air. When Torres was no where to be found, she stepped out into the darkness, hoping her eyes would adjust quickly and called out, "’Lanna… where are you?"

"Over here," the engineer answered. 

From the distance of her voice, Janeway assumed she was close by the ocean. Barefoot, Janeway made her way toward the water’s edge, curious as to what she was doing outside in the middle of the night. "What are you doing?" she asked, somewhat amused. 

"Reminiscing mostly... thinking how we were damn lucky out there in the Delta Quadrant," B'Elanna answered softly, looking up at the stars. "Sometimes I wish we were still out there...," she trailed off.

She sensed there was something the young woman wasn't saying, and if she was reminiscing about Voyager, she was probably thinking about Tom. "Lanna, are you okay?" she asked gently. 

B'Elanna's brows knit together, and she looked confused. "I'm fine... why?" 

"I just thought maybe you wanted to talk about Tom," she shrugged casually, knowing if she got to serious B'Elanna would brush her off. "You don't ever talk about him, and I thought maybe you'd like to-"

"There's nothing to talk about. I'm doing just fine without him," she spat, cutting Kathryn off mid-sentence. "And you don't need to worry, I can take care of myself."

And she just brushed me off anyway, Janeway thought. "You don't need to bite my head off for my trying to be a good friend. And I'll always worry B'Elanna, so get used to it," she said harshly. 

They were quiet for a few minutes, until Torres said faintly, "I'm sorry Kat. I'm just don't want to talk about him right now." Her voice caught at the end.

Kathryn walked over to B'Elanna, desperately wanting to pull the young woman into her arms and soothe the pain away. Instead, she put a hand on her forearm. "It's okay, Lanna. I'll be here when you're ready."

"Thanks," B'Elanna answered. Her eyes fully adjusted to the dim light, she smiled when she saw what Kathryn was wearing. "I never pegged you for the flannel-type." 

"Is there any other kind?" Janeway laughed, knowing she probably looked a little ridiculous, but not really caring. She couldn’t very well run around in her silk nightgown in the cold- not to mention the fact that she would feel entirely too naked in her standard sleepwear around former engineer. No, this was much better. She looked childish- she was certain completely unattractive, and that is just how she needed to feel.

Standing up and dusting the sand from her bottom, B'Elanna remarked, walking away, "For some reason, Kat, only you could pull that off. One of these days, you’ll have to give me your beauty secrets." 

At that moment, Kathryn was very happy for the cold air chilling her face, because she knew that the redness was not caused from her sunburn. _Heavens… this isn’t working out at all. Thanks the gods we're going home tomorrow._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments, and I promise the next chapters won't take as long for they are mostly written already! But please dear reader, do not hesitate to tell me if you like/dislike my story... though I really hope you do enjoy it! I can't wait to start getting to all the drama *rubs hands fiendishly*


	4. Chapter 4

That following Wednesday, B’Elanna made her way over to Starlet Headquarters before she headed home for the day. She wanted to see Kathryn and possibly invite her to dinner. They hadn’t talked since they had parted ways at the transporter pad a few days earlier, and B’Elanna needed distance, emotionally, from the older woman. But she soon realized that it was futile, because all she could think about for the past three days was Kathryn. She couldn’t get the older woman out of her head, no matter how hard she tried to busy herself with Miral or work. _Resistance towards Kathryn is apparently futile after all_ , she smirked as the doors opened to the Admiral’s floor.

Admiral Kathryn Janeway’s office was small— there was an assistant and her desk, and the door behind the assistant was the Admirals. B’Elanna Torres walked up to abandoned desk, usually occupied by a Bolian girl named Arika, and guessed she had gone home for the day, never working as late as her boss did. _Figures_ , B’Elanna thought. She knocked on the wooden door, the sound echoing throughout the office. Kathryn had the only wooden door in the building. She had told B’Elanna that she liked the feeling of old doors, that it was a little piece of her childhood home she could take with her to work. “And I like to slam it when I’m mad. You can hear the sound from a few floors down,” the Admiral had smirked.

“Come,” answered a tired Janeway.

B’Elanna opened the door and smiled at the sight. Kathryn had her uniform jacket and boots off, with a confused, but adorable, look on her face as she stared at the PADD in her hands. There were empty coffee cups strewn all over her office, and no less than 6 other PADDS on her desk.

“Admiral Janeway,” B’Elanna greeted formally.

Kathryn looked up and smiled at the younger woman. “Lanna, what brings you by Headquarters?” Her skin was still a little red from the sunburn, and her freckles on her nose and cheeks were more prominent. B’Elanna knew Kathryn disliked them, so she didn’t comment on how cute it made her look. 

“I just finished class not too long ago, and thought I’d just pop in and thank you again for taking us to your beach house this past weekend. I really enjoyed it, and so did Miral.”

“You’re welcome. I’m glad we went, even if I did come back with first-degree burns,” Janeway smirked.

“Then next time we could go hiking in the Himalayas? Or visit the Mayan Ruins?” she offered, anything to continue with their weekend trips. B’Elanna would never give that up for anything.

“Hmm… I'll have to think about it. I’m not as young as I used to be you know,” Janeway laughed. She got up from her chair and went to a bag that lay open in the corner of her office.

Admiring the view as the Admiral bent over her bag, again giving the half-Klingon a nice shot of her small, but firm bottom, she answered, "Take my word for it… you still go it." Then forcing herself to look away, she walked around her office, looking at the various pictures and knick-knacks she kept on her bookcase, taking plenty of time to just enjoy being away work, away from home… _and near Kathryn_. That last thought was starting to become something of a regular occurrence, and she wasn’t certain what was bringing it on. Sometimes she thought it was just because she was lonely with Tom being away, so she was trying to find comfort wherever she could. Comfort was something Kathryn radiated. It followed her wherever she went. Even when she was mad as hell at someone, they never stopped believing that she would still be there for them at the end of the day. Then sometimes she thought that her growing attraction for the Admiral was simply some kind of authority figure infatuation. Even though B’Elanna tended to not feel comfortable around people who wanted to tell her how to act, she knew that there was a certain amount of attractiveness to someone who exuded such confidence. Confidence was also something Janeway had in droves. _That’s right, Lanna. She’s got confidence, comfort, compassion, intelligence, energy, stamina… beauty… she’s got it all… Kahless, is she ever beautiful… and so out of my league I can’t even see the field. What the hell is the matter with me? She’s not interested in me… just get over it will you?_ she chided herself.

"I made this for you, Lanna," came the Admiral’s, low, husky, and acutely seductive voice behind her. 

Thanking the gods that Janeway wasn’t a telepath, she turned around only to see the Admiral holding a picture frame. Curious, she accepted the picture, studying it. Miral had her arms around Kathryn’s neck, cheek to cheek, sitting in front of the beach house under the umbrella. Both had big smiles plastered on their face and some of Kathryn’s hair had fallen in front of her right eye. B’Elanna’s heart soared at the picture, remembering how much fun they had and how much Kathryn had taken care of them. "When did you take this?" she asked.

“The morning you slept late. I wanted to surprise you. I thought it was a good picture of Miral and I… though next time I would like for you to be in the picture with us,” Janeway smiled shyly.

B’Elanna looked up from the frame and smiled at the older woman, deciding to walk around the desk to give her a hug. “I would like that. Thanks Kat,” she whispered in her ear.

"You’re welcome," Janeway said softly. Then getting her first good whiff of Kathryn’s intoxicating aroma, she forced herself not to press her face to the Admiral’s neck and inhale deeply. Instead, she allowed herself one more smell and then backed away some, knowing that any other movement would make this uncomfortable quicker that a warp core breach. Although, she did admit, the thought of kissing the Admiral’s graceful neck had definite appeal. _Stop it stop it stop it! You’re going to drive yourself crazy if you don’t give this up. Tom, Lanna! Remember him? You’re HUSBAND?_

Letting her go, B’Elanna came back around to the front of the desk, picture in hand. “Why don’t you come over for dinner,” she offered. “I’ll replicate something nice.”

“I’m just swimming in work,” she said, waving a hand over her desk as she sat back down.

“An hour to eat,” B’Elanna said, determined not to take no for an answer. “Even Admirals need to eat.”

She sighed and looked up at her, her face level.

“All right,” she said. “Because I’m hopelessly in love with your daughter only.” Her face broke into a smile but she reined it back in. “I’ll drop by in an hour.”

“Great. And if you’re not, I’m sending a rescuing party after you,” B’Elanna joked. Kathryn waved her away.

It took an hour and fifteen minutes to arrive, but she did. Miral clapped delightedly and lifted her arms. Kathryn took off her uniform jacket and hung it over a chair.

“Aunt Kat is tired, Miral,” B’Elanna said but Miral was persistent and Kathryn scooped her up easily.

“Oh how I’ve missed you little one,” Kathryn cooed. Miral giggled and gave Kathryn a sloppy wet kiss on her cheek. Janeway laughed and returned the kiss.

B’Elanna couldn’t help but smile, and thinking that the way to get to her heart was definitely through her daughter. “I have everything programmed.” She disappeared into the kitchen to start bringing the food, and Janeway strapped Miral into her highchair. B’Elanna came back with the food and put it on the table.

“This looks delicious Lanna,” she said, smiling. She started fixing Miral’s plate first, cutting her food into small pieces, while B’Elanna went back to get the drinks. Next was Lanna’s plate, then her own.

Kathryn couldn’t help but think at how much being here with B’Elanna and Miral felt like home. She wanted to come home everyday to an evening like this, but deep down she knew that she was just filling in for another. Not wanting to acknowledge that depressing thought she pushed it away and thought about how she feels right at this moment.

And those thoughts made her smile the rest of the night. 

=/\=

“Once you each replace three plasma conduits, you’re dismissed. Have a nice weekend,” B’Elanna told her class of 15 cadets. She looked forward to a relaxing weekend at home, especially since they had tomorrow, Friday, off. No school, no work, no plans, no people. Just the way B’Elanna liked it. She smiled the whole way home that day.

After paying Annalise for taking care of Miral for the week, she went to the kitchen and fixed her a glass of wine to help her settle down. She always kept wine handy, though Kathryn might have a little to do with that…

She passed by her console as she made her way to the living room and saw she had a message from Kathryn that said to call her when she had the chance. _No better time than now_ , she sighed.

"Hey Kat, what's up?" she said, taking a sip of her wine.

"How about coming with me to Indiana for the weekend?" Kathryn blurted, not really thinking it through and not having the power to stop. "My mother has been after me to visit her, and I told her I’d go this weekend." 

Startled, B’Elanna looked off screen, looking as if she was deciding even though she knew the answer. Of course she would love to go with Kathryn to Indiana, she'd heard many a stories about that place. She wondered if she could bring Miral, of course Kathryn always wanted Miral to go wherever they went. But if she didn't, it would be hard to find someone to watch her last minute. Owen and Elizabeth, Tom’s parents, might be able to if they’re not at some Starfleet function. It seems like every weekend there is always something going on at Starfleet.

As if reading her mind, Kathryn reminded, "Oh and don't think about having someone babysit Miral, mother is dying to meet the little girl who's stolen my heart." She winked and B’Elanna laughed.

"Are you sure we won't be intruding?" 

"Really Lanna," she said, rolling her eyes. "My mother won't mind in the least. She loves to entertain- its second nature to her. Just meet me at the transporter station near your house Friday afternoon. Let's say... 1700 hrs?" 

"Sounds good Kat." She hesitated. "Umm... What kind of clothes should we pack?" _Please don't be cold, please don't be cold_ , she begged silently.

Kathryn laughed. "Definitely winter clothes. The grounds are blanketed with snow, and it's absolutely beautiful. You and Miral are going to love it!" Kathryn’s eyes sparkled with delight. Before B’Elanna could even speak, she saw Kathryn smirk. "Oh and Lanna? Don't worry, everything will be fine. Mother will love you," and the screen went black.

_Deep breathes, B’Elanna_ , she told herself. Why was she suddenly so nervous about meeting Kathryn's mother? And why does it feel like she is meeting her in-laws for the first time?

=/\=

"Have you ever seen snow B’Elanna?" said Kathryn. She was happily bouncing Miral in her lap. The little tyke always had so much energy right after being picked up from daycare. "I can't wait to play with in the snow with you little one." She poked Miral's tummy playfully making her giggle. 

B’Elanna shook her head. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kathryn slowly stop bouncing Miral. A frown suddenly replaced her beautiful smile, and she turned her head towards B’Elanna. She didn't say anything. B’Elanna shifted uncomfortable in her seat for a few minutes until...

"B'ELANNA!" she exclaimed. Miral jumped in her arms. "I can't believe you! You of all people should have reminded me that Klingon's don't like cold weather! We're probably going to be snowed in this weekend!” 

“Kathryn, calm down. Miral and I can handle a little cold weather.” She looked through the window of the hovercraft, watching the scenery as it flew by her. She had never seen the country, with its rolling hills and tall trees that sometimes lined the roads, and thought it was beautiful. “Would you have rescinded your invitation if I would have?” she asked quietly.

“No. Never,” she heard Kathryn say. “I want you to meet my mother.”

B’Elanna didn’t respond because she didn’t know what to say. No sooner they had arrived at the Janeway farmhouse.

Gretchen stood on the porch in a long coat and a thick wool scarf, her hands in the pockets of the coat.

B’Elanna gasped – she'd never realized how much Kathryn looked like her mother. She'd always thought that Phoebe would take after Gretchen.

Gretchen had the same body as Kathryn – narrow hips and a compact, efficient form. She wore her long hair in a bun and while the hair was starting to turn white, B’Elanna could see a few streaks of auburn fighting to remain. Gretchen had the same cheekbones, the same jaw line and lifted her head in just the same way as they climbed out of hover car and walked down the icy sidewalk. B'elanna held Miral in her arms so she didn't fall and put on a big smile.

"Kathryn," Gretchen said, opening her arms. "Welcome home."

"Hi mom," Kathryn said, returning her mother's warm hug. "Mom, I'd like you to meet B’Elanna Torres. B’Elanna, this is my mother Gretchen Janeway."

"Of course," Gretchen smiled. "Nice to finally meet you Mrs. Torres." 

B’Elanna shook her hand. She even had the same hands as Kathryn. "Thank you for having us, Ms. Janeway. And please, call me B’Elanna," she said.

She snorted, waving her off. "Only if you call me Gretchen. No one ever calls me that because it makes me feel much older than I really am." She looked at Miral. "And who is this?"

"This is my daughter," B’Elanna said. "Miral." At the sound of her name, Miral turned her face into her mother's neck. She could feel her cold nose on her skin.

"It's freezing," Kathryn said, and grabbed their things while pushing them all inside. "Let's go inside."

Inside was warm and inviting. B'elanna smelled something sweet, and guessed it was the famous caramel brownies Kathryn always bragged about. 

"I'll go put our stuff upstairs." Kathryn grabbed her things and then B’Elanna's suitcase, and started for the staircase. Gretchen turned from hanging up her coat and called after her, "I've already made Phoebe's room up for B'Elanna, dear. And the sheets in your room were changed this morning." 

"Thanks mom," she called over her shoulder and disappeared upstairs. 

Gretchen turned back towards B’Elanna and smiled. "When you're done, come into the kitchen. I made some hot cocoa to warm us up. It's not going to be much longer with supper." 

"Yes ma'am," she said politely as the older woman went into the kitchen.

Gretchen poked her head out the doorway and smirked, "And don't call me ma'am." She disappeared back into the kitchen.

B’Elanna laughed as she set Miral down and started taking off her heavy coat and boots. Once she hung up Miral's coat and neatly lined up her boots with rest, she started with her own. 

Miral didn't move from her side until Kathryn came back downstairs. "Kat!" she yelled. She held her little arms in the air and squeezed her hands into little fist. This meant she wanted to be held.  

Kathryn smiled and picked her niece up off the floor. "Hi there my little angel." She kissed the little girl on the cheek. "Where's mom?" she asked, shifting Miral onto her hip.

"She went into the kitchen. She said she made us some hot cocoa, and supper should be ready soon." She lined her boots right next to Kathryn and Miral's. _It feels so natural being here with Kathryn and her mother_ , she thought. There was no awkwardness between the three of them, unlike there was with meeting Tom's parents. She immediately felt welcomed and loved here. 

While walking behind Kathryn to the kitchen, she wondered for the umpteenth time why being with Kathryn made her like she finally belonged.

=/\=

Gretchen sat at the head of the table, Kathryn on her right and B’Elanna on her left with Miral in a highchair between them. 

"B’Elanna, Kathryn has told me you married Owen's son when you were on Voyager. How is he doing these days?" 

_Oh Kahless, not now_. "I honestly don’t know Gretchen, and I wont know for another 12 months, unfortunately." She gave Miral another bite, wanting to change the subject, and quickly, before any emotions start playing across her face. Kathryn can read her like a book, and she'll pester until she finds out what's bothering her. She picked up her own fork and asked, "How's Phoebe doing? I know she had an art show this week in Milan."

She didn't notice the look Kathryn and Gretchen exchanged. Kathryn decided not to dwell on the implications of that statement, hopefully she would find out soon enough. 

"You can ask her yourself, she'll be here tomorrow," Gretchen said. 

"What!" Kathryn exclaimed. "You didn't tell me she was coming in this weekend!" Kathryn loved Phoebe to death, but sometimes she wished she could throw Phoebe right out of an airlock. She had no filter on her mouth, nor did she know when to close it. _Too bad she decided to be an artist and not join Starfleet_.  

"I told her you'd be spending the weekend here and she said she would like to see you. Something about you and a mysterious date. You know how your sister gets when she's excited, I could barely understand her," Gretchen laughed, pushing back her chair as she stood. "I'll get the dessert, and get coffee for you Kathryn. You drink way too much of that stuff, dear," she gently chided as she left the room.

“My one and only vice mother.”

Turning her attention away from Miral, B’Elanna gaped at Kathryn. She had no idea Kathryn went on a date, or that she was even dating! Why hadn't Kathryn said anything? _And why am I getting angry..? Jealous are you, Lanna? Oh shut up,_ she told herself.

"What?" Kathryn asked, giving her a lopsided grin. 

"You never told me you were dating someone," B’Elanna said, sounding a little too accusing that masked the hurt she felt inside.

"I went to dinner with a friend, that's not exactly dating," she pointed out. "That was weeks ago anyway, I haven't talked to him since."

"Why didn't you tell me? I tell you everything!"

_Not everything_ , she thought. "It was just a dinner date, and he was just an old friend. Why would it matter anyway?" Kathryn said. "I don't question who you have dinner with." 

B’Elanna's face was turning red. "I just want to know why you didn't tell me you were dating!" she all but shouted

"I'm. Not. Dating." She didn't know why B’Elanna was getting upset over this, but the younger woman was starting to irritate her. "Do you want me to tell you when I wipe my ass too?" she said icily. Kathryn stared calmly at B’Elanna, who was panting with anger, obviously trying to keep it under control. 

Miral then decided to throw a piece of meat at her mother. Fuming, B’Elanna turned towards Miral just as she was about to throw another one. "Mevjap! Keep your food in your plate Miral," she hissed loudly at her daughter. She could hear Kathryn trying to stifle her laugh.

"Looks like I have someone who agrees with me," Kathryn said. She turned and made a silly face at Miral. "Isn't that right little one." The girl clapped her filthy hands together and giggled, and Kathryn laughed along with her. 

"Of course she takes your side," B’Elanna said bitterly, which made the older woman howl with laughter. Kathryn’s laugh never failed to make B’Elanna smile. It was such a pleasant sound to her ears. She turned her head to try and hide it, the earlier argument forgotten between them... for now. 

Gretchen came back with dessert and coffee, setting it on the table. She put her hands on her hips. "What in the world is going on in here?" B’Elanna blushed, which made Kathryn laugh even harder. 

"The usual: my daughter choosing Kathryn over me." She turned towards the Kathryn. "But it's only because you spoil her so much Kat. I, of course, always have to be the bad guy and tell her no." B’Elanna gave a big dramatic sigh at the end.

"What kind of godmother would I be if I didn't spoil her? I'm going to take advantage of it when I can." Kathryn raised her eyebrow and pointed her finger. "And if I remember correctly, it took her a while to warm up to me. Just look at her now, she can't stay away from me!" She crossed her arms and looked B’Elanna right in the eyes. "She *definitely* gets that's from her mother."

B’Elanna narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth to retort back when Gretchen cut her off. "Children children, please. Can we finish dessert and act like the mature adults you both were raised to be?" Gretchen wondered what was going on between these two. From what Kathryn said, they usually fight like sisters. However, this banter between them seems more intimate somehow, like flirting. B’Elanna is blushing every other minute, and Kathryn can't keep her eyes off her. Gretchen decides she will have to have a little talk with Kathryn later and get to the bottom of this. 

"Sorry mom." "Sorry Gretchen." they mumbled.

Later that evening after Miral was put to bed, Kathryn, B'Elanna, and Gretchen chatted a while longer around the fireplace. It was getting late, and the women were ready for bed after a long day. 

"Kathryn, a moment before you go to bed," Gretchen said. 

Kathryn hesitated on the stairs behind B'Elanna. "Alright. Goodnight Lanna, kiss Miral for me." 

"I will. Night Kat. Goodnight Gretchen."

"Goodnight dear," Gretchen answered.

"What's wrong mom? I'm really tired and would like to get a good nights sleep so I can be decent to Phoebe tomorrow." She had an inkling of what her mother wanted to talk about, which was a conversation she didn't want to have.

“I just want to talk Kathryn. Can't I talk with my daughter anymore? Come, in the kitchen.” She walked towards the kitchen, her daughter following right behind.

“What’s going on between you two Katie?" When Kathryn didn't respond, she got right to the point. "Are you having an affair?” she asked, if all a little too bluntly.

“MOM!” Kathryn cried. “I can’t believe you would even think I would have an affair and break up someone’s marriage.”

Gretchen felt better knowing her daughter wouldn't be the cause of a failed marriage. “I would like to think I raised you better than that.”

“There’s nothing between us mom, we’re just good friends.” _Who am I trying to convince?_ she asked herself. _Mother? or myself?_

“Don’t insult my intelligence by lying to me. I know you better than that Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway,” she said harshly. “Would you rather talk to Phoebe about this?” She softened her tone when she saw her daughter flinch. A hurt expression came over her face as she turned away. She knew that look her daughter now displayed.

“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” Gretchen whispered. No response. “Look at me Katie.”

Kathryn closed her eyes as she felt the tears come. She hadn’t even admitted it to herself yet, but it was now or never. Kathryn turned back to her mother, nodding her head as tears quietly streamed down her cheeks.

“I’m in love with a married woman,” she said softly.

When Gretchen put her arms around her, the dam broke. She wept for the woman she would never have; for the woman who could never love her like she did. It hurt to say it out loud—hurt more than the pain of a thousand phasers firing at once.

“Oh Kathryn, my child. I am so sorry.” Gretchen wished she could take her daughter’s pain away; the pain from the past, present and future. It seemed whomever Kathryn loved, it could never be. Gretchen held Kathryn tighter, and cried with her.

Minutes later, Kathryn pulled herself together, now emotionally exhausted. All she wanted to do was sleep and try to forget about her admission. She wiped her eyes and said, “She doesn’t know mom, nor will she. And please do not tell Phoebe, I’m just recognizing for what it is now and I don’t need her teasing me about it.” Gretchen nodded and wiped her eyes as well. Kathryn stood from the stool and hugged her mother. “Thanks mom, I really needed that. I think I’ll head to bed, I’m exhausted.”

Gretchen kissed her daughters cheek. “Goodnight my dear, sleep well.” Kathryn turned and headed for the stairs when her mother called, “And Katie?” 

“Yeah mom?”

“I love you... more than anything in this world.” 

She smiled. “I know. I love you too, mom.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

Gretchen was making breakfast for the girls, enjoying the time she had to herself. It was peaceful; the only sounds being made were from the pots and pans she was moving around. That was the good thing about living in the country- it was quiet and didn’t have all the ruckus that the city made. She enjoyed going in the city to visit Kathryn, or going to one of Phoebe’s art shows in whatever city she was showing in. But when it came time to come home, she didn’t fuss nor complain. 

Her thoughts stayed on what her daughter had revealed last night. Kathryn hadn’t had much luck with love, and when she thought she had finally found someone she could spend the rest of her life with, it seemed like fate had a different idea. Gretchen thought back to the last time Kathryn had said she was in love, and really meant it. The last time was with Justin Tighe. Of course she had other paramours, she was engaged to Mark Johnson after all, but Gretchen knew that her daughter hadn’t felt anything for them like she did Justin. _And apparently B’Elanna too_ , she mused. Kathryn and Mark’s relationship was a comfortable one, and they both knew that. And with Kathryn taking her first command, putting her job first before anything else, who were they to mess with comfortable? Mark didn’t seem to mind. 

A she slid the last of the pancakes onto the plate, she looked up and saw Kathryn standing at the door, rubbing her face rid of sleep. “Good morning Katie. Did you sleep well?”

Kathryn answered with a grunt, and made her way over to the coffee pot. She knew her daughter was no morning person, she had to have coffee first or there would be hell to pay for everyone who she came in contact with.

“Are the others up yet?” she tried again. Again, no response. She stopped to watch her daughter savor her first sip of the coffee. Kathryn and coffee was something she would never understand. She had been told that her daughter lived off of it in the Delta Quadrant, and Kathryn herself said that sometimes it was the only thing that kept her going. 

“Earth to Kathryn.”

“What?” she said, confusion written all over her face. “Did you say something?”

“You drink way too much of that stuff.”

“My only vice mother,” she pointed out, lifting her finger and smiling.

“I asked if the other two were up yet.”

Kathryn watched as her mother washed the dishes, always wondering why she never let the replicator just recycle it. “I don’t think so. If they’re not, I’ll go wake them.” She sipped her coffee as she regarded the variety of foods that were laid out in front of her. She loved coming home, if not to see her mother and sister, then it was definitely for the home cooked meals. “They usually sleep late when they get the chance.” Taking one last sip, she made her way up to Phoebe’s old room.

She opened the door slowly and peeked into her sister’s old room. They were both sound asleep, Miral curled up in the crook of her mother’s arm. The sight warmed her heart and made her smile. Closing the door as quietly as she could, she turned and tripped on a toy of Miral’s that she hadn’t seen, and came crashing to the ground.

B’Elanna shot up in the bed, ready to attack her attacker.

Looking up, Janeway realized she had woken up the slumbering woman. She forced herself not to stare at B’Elanna who looked absolutely adorable with her hair and clothes all rumpled, much like she did after crawling out of a Jefferies Tube back on Voyager.

She smiled softly as she rose from the floor, "Good morning sunshine." Her robe had come undone and she hastily tried to close it.

Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, B'Elanna whispered, "Are you always this graceful in the morning?"

Kathryn laughed. “Only after I’ve had my coffee,” she whispered back. She came around to Miral’s side of the bed and smiled at the little girl who would indeed sleep through a Borg invasion. She lightly rubbed the back of her fingers on Miral’s smooth cheek. She loved this little girl with all her heart, and she knew Miral loved her just as much. That thought made her smile from ear to ear. She’d always wanted a child, and lately it’s been on her thoughts more than she cared to admit. _You’re not getting any younger Katie, maybe its time you had one of your own,_ she thought to herself. 

“What are you smiling at?” B’Elanna asked softly.

Startled, Kathryn pulled away her hand and walked backwards towards the door, intentionally avoiding the question. “I just came to tell you that breakfast is ready downstairs.”

“Okay, we’ll be down in a minute,” she replied as Kathryn left the room.

Kathryn took deep breaths to steady her heart. _Christ Katie, get ahold of yourself._  She made her way to the her room to get ready for the day, trying to put thoughts of a baby and B’Elanna in her nightwear out of her head.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long, life guys.. life. And I know this is short and there's much more coming soon! 
> 
> Cross my heart x


	6. Chapter 6

“What are your plans for the day?” Gretchen asked the girls as she came around the couch to sit on the lounge chair. Her daughter looked so relaxed, so… happy, content as she played with Miral on the floor of the living room surrounded by the child’s toys. _She’s going to be a wonderful mother one day_ , she smiled to herself. _For my sake I hope it’s soon…_

“I was thinking that we might go outside and play in the snow for awhile. I’d like for Miral to experience an Indiana winter like I did as a child. It is some of my happiest memories, you know.” Kathryn smiled wistfully, lost in memories of years ago.

“Don’t you think it’s B’Elanna’s decision to decide what her daughter should experience, Katie?” Gretchen said quietly.

Kathryn put down the toy, opening her mouth to respond then closing it again. She looked away then turned to B’Elanna. “Of course it is.. forgive me Lanna.” 

“It’s fine Kat, you’re her godmother after all. I think it would be good for her.” She could see Kathryn was still a little uneasy. “You promised you would show us the snow, and I’m holding you to it… _Katie_ ,” B’Elanna smirked. She thought it was cute the way her family called her Katie, and B’Elanna knew that no one else would dare call her anything other than her given name or Admiral. As far as B’Elanna knew, she herself was Kathryn’s only friend who had given her a nickname. Of course the infamous Q had called her Kathy, but she, along with everyone else who’s encountered the powerful being, doesn’t speak his name for fear of him popping up and wreaking havoc on their lives. 

Kathryn shot her a mock glare, trying not to smile. “You know, we have this big, steep hill in the back that’s great for sledding, and its quite cold outside… Ghlj? _[Nervous?]_ ”

B’Elanna raised an eyebrow at hearing her own language. She no idea Kathryn even knew how to speak Klingon. “DaneHchugh, _[you wish]_ ” the half-Klingon sneered playfully.

“maj _[good]_ ,” Kathryn smirked, holding the younger woman’s eyes to her own. She had learned Klingon after visiting their home world, Qo’noS, in her early Academy days. She was fascinated by their culture, and had the upmost respect for their high regard on honor.

“I haven’t heard you speak Klingon in years Kathryn,” said Gretchen, the proud mother smile plastered on her face.

Kathryn smiled shyly, forgetting they weren’t alone. “I admit I’m a little rusty. I haven’t spoken it in years.” She picked up Miral and kissed her cheek. “Ready to go play little one?” she cooed.

Before anyone, even little Miral, had a chance to respond, they heard a loud voice from the hallway. “Is that you I hear oh sister of mine? I’m glad you took the time out of your busy life to come visit us mere mortals.”

_Phoebe_ , Kathryn groaned internally. She wasn’t in the mood for Phoebe’s teasing today. 

“We’re in here, honey,” Gretchen called out, though she didn’t need to. “I thought you’d never arrive Phoebe.” 

Through the doorway walked in a disheveled-looking woman. Phoebe Janeway sighed as she strutted into the room. She was a few inches taller than Kathryn, with long, thick red hair and eyes greener than the grass in spring. She wasn’t as tiny as Kathryn, but she had curves that every woman envied.

“What happened Phoebe?” asked her worried mother.

“Besides not getting a wink of sleep in 48 hours and walking through mounds of snow in last nights clothes?” She gave a weak smile to her mother as she kissed her cheek and sat herself next to B’Elanna on the couch. She looked at the young woman, and then looked at her sister, then back at B’Elanna. “You must be the woman my sister talks about so much. It’s nice to finally meet you B’Elanna,” she said, holding out her hand to shake.

“N-nice to meet you too,” B’Elanna stammered and shook her hand. _Kathryn talks about me?_ she thought to herself. _A lot?_

“Ouside Kat,” Miral said, pointing to the window.

Phoebe looked at the little girl Kathryn was holding. “And that must be your daughter. Katie never stops talking about her. Miral does this, Miral does that,” she mocked, doing a poor imitation of Kathryn. She looked at B’Elanna and smiled. “She really does love your daughter though. You’d swear Miral was her child,” she laughed, trying to wipe the tired out of her eyes. She wasn’t aware of how uncomfortable the room had just got for the other three.

“Ready to go Lanna?” Kathryn asked, wanting to get as far away from Phoebe as she could. She was nervous having Phoebe around B’Elanna, she didn’t want her sister to say something that’ll make her want to go under the covers and never come out. She trusted Phoebe, but the young redhead just didn’t have any tact.

“Where are you going? I just got here!” Phoebe exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

Sighing, Kathryn switched Miral to her other hip. “We’re going play out in the snow Pheebs. Would you like to come?” _Please say no, please say no,_ she internally begged. She had a feeling her sister would say yes to just annoy her.

“I’d rather be sleeping. Lord knows I have a lot to catch up on. Thanks anyway.”

“You’re rooms made up, why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll wake you later on so you can have dinner?” Gretchen offered.

“Yeah, mom, I think I’ll do that. B’Elanna, it was nice to finally meet you. Kathryn-” she said as she got up from the couch to make her way upstairs, “-don’t think I’ll let you get away with not telling me about this mysterious date of yours.”

Kathryn rolled her eyes as she watched her sister leave. “It wasn’t a date!” she yelled. “Let’s go Lanna,” Kathryn said in her command voice that left no room for argument.

B’Elanna got up and followed her to suit up for the wintery hell she was about to endure. She had watched the way she and her sister interacted, and felt slightly envious. She had always wanted another sibling, but after her dad left, she knew that she would never have one. Sure, she was fine on her own, but that sibling camaraderie was something she always longed for and it was something that she wanted for Miral. But with Tom gone, it was something that wasn’t feasible at the moment.

If ever.

=/\=

They played in the snow for quite a while, and B’Elanna was really enjoying herself. She couldn’t stay still too long though, for fear of freezing to death. Miral was starting to get cranky from the cold. Kathryn brought her inside and handed her goddaughter to her mother with instructions to put her down for a nap. Miral went willingly, hiding her cold nose in the crook of Gretchen’s neck to try and get warm again.

“I want to show B’Elanna how to sled down the hill in the back,” she told her mother excitedly.

“Be careful Katie,” her mother had warned. “I don’t need to remind you about the last time, do I?”

“You just did mother,” she smirked, closing the door behind her. She saw B’Elanna standing in the same exact spot she left her, moving her arms and shifting from foot to foot to try and stay warm. She smiled and made her way over to her.

Startled, B’Elanna yelped when Kathryn grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the old barn. “Where are we going?” she asked.

The redhead beamed as she looked over her shoulder. “We’re going sledding. Wait here,” she said as she pulled the barn doors open. She retrieved the sled that was hidden under some old wood and together they made their way to the top of the hill.

“Isn’t this exciting?” Kathryn asked, pulling the woman closer to her. They were sitting on the sled together, with B’Elanna in front and Janeway right behind her. Her arms were circled around her waist, while B’Elanna held on to the front for dear life. Kathryn could tell she was nervous; her knuckles were turning white. She put her lips right by B’Elanna’s ear and said softly, “There’s no need to be nervous, Lanna. I right here with you, I wont let you go.” She squeezed her arms around the woman’s waist to reaffirm her words.

B’Elanna shivered, and she knew it wasn’t because she was cold. “Nervous? Klingons don’t get nervous,” she scoffed, wanting to stay in this embrace that warmed her all the way to her toes. Okay, maybe she was a *little* nervous… “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Well I broke my arm once,” Kathryn said casually.

“WHAT--”

“Let’s go!” Kathryn pushed the sled forward and down the hill they went. She reveled every second of the ride, holding the half-Klingon as close to herself as she could.

Before they reached the bottom, the sled hit something in the ground and they both careened through the air and into the snow. Kathryn landed on top of B’Elanna, not moving for a few seconds while trying to make sense of what happened. Moving her hair out of her face, Kathryn sat up and looked down at her companion. She noticed that she was straddling the young woman, but she put that to the back of her mind for now. Her first priority was B’Elanna.

“Are you okay?” Kathryn asked worriedly, checking B’Elanna’s face and upper body for any sign she was hurt.

B’Elanna’s insides were doing all sorts of things as the woman she has been attracted to for the last few months straddled her. She felt paralyzed as she stared at the concerned expression on Kathryn’s face. Only one thought came to her mind.

_I’m in love… I’m falling in love with Kathryn Janeway._

_Kahless help me._

B’Elanna watched as Kathryn’s lips moved, her eyes darting back and forth between her own. _Answer her, Lanna. You’re worrying her,_ she chided. She could see the fear in Kathryn’s eyes and knew she had to snap out of it. She shook her head and focused on the other woman.

“B’Elanna!” Kathryn was starting to get really worried when she was getting no response. “Answer me dammit!” she demanded.

“Today is not a good day to die Kat,” B’Elanna tried to smile, her joke falling flat. Her heart beat fast, and she tried to get her breathing down under control.

Relief washed over her face as she let out a sigh. “Are you hurt?” Kathryn asked again, looking down into the dark brown eyes that wouldn’t meet her own.

“It’ll take more than a sled ride to kill me Kat,” she laughed, trying to diffuse the tension she felt throughout her body. “Really, I’m fine.” She wiggled her body to get up but Janeway wouldn’t let her. She huffed and tried once more, but stopped when she felt the stirrings of arousal from below. Irritated at the way her body was reacting and not wanting to let on to what was going on inside her, she growled, “Get off of me”.

Kathryn tried to catch her eyes, but B’Elanna wouldn’t make eye contact with her. She was a little hurt, not to mention startled, at her sudden change in attitude. She got off and sat down beside her, watching as B’Elanna sat up and pulled her hood back to get the snow out of her hair. “I was just concerned, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Don’t worry about it. Why don’t we go inside, I think I should check on Miral..” she said dismissively, not having the courage to look at the woman beside her. _Coward_ , her inner voice scolded.

“Alright.” 

Kathryn picked up the sled and started for the barn. “I’ll meet you back at house, I need to save the sled,” she said, not looking back.

B’Elanna went to apologize but stopped; she knew there was nothing she could say… aloud at least. She turned and made her way back to the house. _Nice one Lanna. You’ve officially acted like a p’tahk_. 

=/\=

Upstairs, a certain redheaded sister watched the little sledding scene from her window. _Well Katie, isn’t this interesting. The rumors must be true then..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's about to get a whole lot more interesting in the Janeway household *grins devilishly* hehe
> 
> Hope y'all are still enjoying the story dear readers-- thank you for reading, and continuing to do so!


	7. Chapter 7

Phoebe could see that things looked a little strained between Kathryn and B’Elanna, which made dinner that evening awkward. She decided to start the ball rolling. Though in which direction, she didn’t know.

“How’s old Tommy doing B’Elanna?” Phoebe asked. “I haven’t seen him since he was small.”

B’Elanna reigned in her irritation. It seems everyone she talks to brings up Tom. True, he is her husband. The same husband who left for an 18-month mission. The same husband who left his wife behind. The same husband who left said wife to raise their 2-year-old daughter. “Your guess is as good as mine,” B’Elanna said evenly. She continued feeding Miral, not paying anyone any attention.

Seeing Phoebe’s startled expression, Kathryn chimed in. “He left for a mission with Starfleet Intelligence three months ago. He’s not allowed any outside contact.”

“Oh you poor thing. How long?” Gretchen asked B’Elanna.

When B’Elanna didn’t respond, Kathryn said, “A year and six months.” She was watching B’Elanna, the sad expression on her face told her she had to talk to B’Elanna. And soon.

Phoebe thought it best to change the subject. “So tell me about your date Katie. I think it’s about time you started dating again,” she said, ignoring the glare Kathryn was directing at her.

“Like I said before, it was dinner with an old friend,” Kathryn said slowly. She noticed how B’Elanna sucked in her breath as she held Miral. Even if she went out on a date with someone, shouldn’t her best friend be happy for her? _Unless she is jealous… but why?_

“Sometimes old friends turn out to be something more,” Phoebe shrugged. “Look at you and Mark.”

Kathryn sighed, not in the mood to argue. “Just drop it, Phoebe.”

“I just want you to be happy Katie, I love you. You’d swear you run a nunnery with the way you’re living.”

“Phoebe,” Gretchen chided. “Apologize to your sister.” She saw the smile creep onto B’Elanna’s face.

“It’s okay Phoebe. With the new man you have every week, you’d swear you run a brothel. Shall I come by next week and paint your door red?” Kathryn smirked. _Two can play at this game._ And she had to admit, it was making her feel a little bit better.

“Girls!” Gretchen yelled before Phoebe could retort back. “Shall I send you both to your room without supper?”

Chastised, the sisters apologized and continued on with dinner. It was quiet for only a few moments, and muffled laughter could be heard over Miral banging her spoon on the table. Kathryn looked up and when she made eye contact with B’Elanna, the younger woman lost it. She laughed, and laughed loudly making Kathryn smile. She loved when B’Elanna was so carefree.

After a few minutes, she finally calmed down and apologized. “Kahless, I’m sorry. It’s just funny to see how fast Phoebe upsets you Kat,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes.

“It’s because I know just which buttons to push,” Phoebe smiled proudly. Kathryn rolled her eyes.

“Like asking about the date she never went on with mystery man?” B’Elanna asked Phoebe, smirking all the while.

“Exactly.” Phoebe and B’Elanna shared a conspiring grin.

“It wasn’t a date, dammit,” she yelled, banging her fists on the table. Why was she giving in anyway? She knew B’Elanna was just teasing with her. _Great, that’s all I need. Phoebe AND B’Elanna ganging up on me. And why in the hell am I so angry?_

“They’re just teasing you, dear. Don’t be so touchy,” said Gretchen.

“Well the joke is getting old. Miral is the only one who doesn’t tease me. Isn’t that right sweetheart,” Kathryn cooed to Miral. Miral laughed at the attention she was receiving then raised her arms in the air and said, “Kat, up!”

B’Elanna rolled her eyes. “Now she won’t stop until you hold her.”

“YlDoghQo’ [Don’t be silly]. I'll gladly take her.” Kathryn pushed her chair back and went over to Miral. B’Elanna had said she wanted to “get back to her roots”, so to speak. Kathryn would help her in any way she could, like speaking Klingon or reading a holonovel and recommending it to the younger woman. And she liked speaking Klingon with B’Elanna, even though sometimes it frustrated B’Elanna that Kathryn knew more words than she did.

Kathryn took the little girl in her arms and sat her on her lap while she finished eating. “Now little one, isn’t that more comfortable?” she said as kissed the top of Miral’s head. "I wonder how many rumors would start with such a beautiful girl sitting on my lap.

“Speaking of rumors, I heard something that’s been circling ‘round that’s _very_ interesting…” Phoebe left off, trying to be dramatic.

“Do tell us,” Gretchen humored, not much for rumors but knowing her younger daughter was.

Kathryn held up her hand before Phoebe could continue. “Wait just a minute. Who did you hear this rumor from? I need to know if it’s true or not, or if it’s you just being gullible.”

Phoebe was one for the dramatics, and here’s her chance to work on her acting. “Well dear sister, I heard it from an old friend who just so happens to work at the Academy. She called to confirm the rumor or not. I, of course, di—”

“Oh for heavens sake, just tell us!” Gretchen said, exasperated.

Phoebe smirked. “Rumor has it that Katie and B’Elanna are having an affair…”

Kathryn, mouth hung open, halted the fork that was coming to her mouth and just stared at Phoebe. B’Elanna’s eyes were as huge as saucers as she stared down at her plate, tying to make herself invisible. Gretchen looked surprised, but continued eating as she tried not to look at Kathryn.

Miral sensed the sudden discomfort in the room and said, “p’tahk!” and laughed.

“Miral!”

“I know you wanted to teach her Klingon Lanna, but it may be a little early to start teaching her insults. I know I certainly didn’t teach her that,” Kathryn grinned, trying to ease everyone’s uneasiness. It certainly didn’t help much.

Embarrassed and agitated from the rumor, not to mention all pent up emotions and stress from the last couple of months, it was the last straw for B’Elanna. “Of course, I’m just a bad mother, aren’t I? Is that what you’ve been dying to tell me?” she yelled, standing now and looking at Kathryn. “Why you’ve always called to ‘check up’ on us, and ‘take Miral off my hands for a while’? You’re trying to see if I’m competent to be her mother, aren’t you? I know what you’re really up to Kathryn, and you’ll never have her.” B’Elanna gave once last glare at Kathryn, and went up the stairs slamming the door to her room.

“Momma mad,” Miral said sadly, with tears in her eyes.

Kathryn was hurt by what B’Elanna said, and knew the younger woman had it all wrong. Just totally wrong. She blinked back her tears that were threatening to fall and said, “It’s okay little one, Momma will be okay. I’m going to go talk to her. How would you like to go spend the night at grandpa’s?” She needed to have a talk with B’Elanna tonight, and that meant no distractions. Miral clapped her hands, always excited to go to her grandparents. “Mother, I need you to bring Miral to Owen’s house for the night so that I can talk to B’Elanna without any interruptions.”

“Of course dear,” Gretchen said sympathetically, taking Miral from her. “We’ll stay at your sisters for the night.”

“Thank you. And take Phoebe with you, before I personally phaser her into oblivion.”

“What? What did I say?” Phoebe asked incredulously, while everyone else ignored her.

 

=/\=

 

Kathryn knocked on the door to Phoebe’s old room, and listened for permission to enter. When none came after the second try, she walked right in. B’Elanna was standing at the window with her back to the door, looking at the stars. She started for the window, but stopped. 

“Lanna…?” Kathryn asked hesitantly.

“If you’ve come to tell me something else about how I’m neglecting my child, you can just leave,” she said bitterly, not turning around.

Kathryn took a deep breath and counted to ten so she wouldn’t lash out. “I’ve come to tell you that I think it’s time we talk. You and I both know that there’s something going on here, something we need to discuss.”

“I have nothing to say to you,” B’Elanna retorted.

“Oh really?” Kathryn said, not holding back her anger anymore. “Let’s start with you yelling at me a few minutes ago. Or how every time someone brings up Tom you change the subject? Why B’Elanna, you know you can tell me anything! I tell you everything, I expect the same in return!!”

B’Elanna finally turned around, her fists clenched at her sides. “You never told me about that date you went on,” she gritted through her teeth. 

“OH FOR THE LOVE OF- I don’t know how many times I can say this B’Elanna, it wasn’t a date! I had dinner with Mark, okay? I’ve been ignoring him since I returned home and I couldn’t exactly say no when I ran into him,” she shouted, exasperated. 

Kathryn watched as B’Elanna crossed her arms and looked away. From the moonlight coming through the window, she could see tears that threatened to fall from B’Elanna’s dark eyes. Her anger slowly, but not entirely, ebbed away, being replaced with hurt.

“I would never take Miral away from you B’Elanna. I love you both, and would never do anything to hurt either one of you,” she choked, letting her tears fall down freely. She waited for a response, but none came.

“Please tell me you don’t really believe what you said,” she whispered, pleading with the young woman for it to be untrue. Kathryn didn’t think she could live with herself if B’Elanna did believe what she had said, because all Kathryn had thought she was doing was spending time with the two people she loves unconditionally.

B’Elanna finally looked up at Kathryn. “No, I don’t. I know you don’t think I’m an unfit mother.”

“Then why say it Lanna?” she asked, taking a step closer to her. “You really hurt me. Is that why you said it, to hurt me? I can’t imagine what I said or did to make you hate me.” She took a step back and turned around, not imagining what she had just said. She couldn’t handle it if B’Elanna hated her that much, after everything they’ve been through the last few months. Kathryn gave the young woman everything she could, but apparently it wasn’t enough.

B’Elanna was too lost in her own thoughts about what Kathryn had just said to respond.

Kathryn walked towards the door, her stomach turning in knots as her breath came short. “I’m sorry B’Elanna… I’m sorry for whatever I did to hurt you,” she said, trying not to cry. She didn’t want to cry in front of a woman who hated her.

Hearing Kathryn’s distressed voice finally jolted B’Elanna out of her thoughts. “Kathryn wait!” Kathryn stopped at the door, her hand on the knob. I don’t hate you, I could never hate you. No one has ever cared enough about me like you do. You’ve been too good to me, it almost seems like it’s too good to be true… I..”

“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better, B’Elanna. If you think I do too much, or am trying to mother Miral, just tell me.” As Kathryn waited, she held her breath. The last thing she wanted to hear was the truth, especially if what she just said is true. She could hear B’Elanna walk up behind, and feel as she hovered just close enough not to touch.

“I could never think that Kathryn, I’m sorry for what I said. I don’t think you’re trying to take Miral away from me, and I don’t think you’re trying to replace me. We love you just as much as you love us,” she said quietly. 

Kathryn turned around, her voice caught in her throat as she asked, “You do?" 

“Of course we do.” She pulled Janeway into a hug, both desperately trying not to cry.

Kathryn pulled back and wiped her eyes. “We need to talk. Why don’t we go downstairs on the couch and sit by the fire.” She grabbed her hand and led her to the living room. They sat down next to each other still holding hands, as each tried to catch their head before talking.

“Where’s Miral?” B’Elanna asked, looking around for her child.

“I had mother bring her to Owen’s for the night, and she’s staying at Phoebes. I thought it best if we could talk without any interruptions.”

“Oh, you’re so clever,” B’Elanna smirked.

Normally Kathryn would have smiled at B’Elanna’s sarcasm, but this time she went straight for the heart of the statement.

"Lanna, why don't you ever talk about Tom?"

Just as it had during their first dinner, B'elanna's face closed down. “I don’t talk about him because it’s painful,” she said. “Can we change the subject?”

“No, we can’t,” said Kathryn, injecting just an edge of command to her tone. B'Elanna stiffened, letting go of her hand, and Janeway realized that she’d never used that tone with her since they've returned from the Delta Quadrant. She purposely gentled her voice and continued, “Look, I know it hurts and I know you don’t want to talk about it. But you can’t go on like this, keeping it bottled up inside.”

“Kathryn…” B'Elanna began in a warning tone of voice, but Janeway interrupted her, holding up a hand.

“You’re not putting me off again. You did it before and I allowed it, but that was my mistake. Your physical and mental health are at risk if you don’t deal with this. You’re fatigued and distracted already; don’t let this go on.” She paused, giving B'Elanna the opportunity to respond. When she remained silent she added, “I know better than anyone that it’s natural to compartmentalize your feelings when they cause you pain, but you’re just hurting yourself more in the process. I can say this with complete authority because I myself am a master of the art.”

Crossing her arms over her chest, B'Elanna growled, “You’re a master of most arts, but I still don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well then, what are you going to do? How long will you shut all this inside? Until something gives? It will, sooner or later. And when it does, it won’t be like your little outburst from tonight. It will be much worse.” She wanted to be there when B'Elanna breaks down, helping her through the pain. She cares a lot for her young friend, and only wants to help her.  

B'Elanna said nothing, only watching Janeway warily. It was a behavior Janeway hadn’t observed since that first time she asked to see B'Elanna in her ready room, and it pained her to see her friend slipping back into that guarded posture. But she’d been thinking about this for weeks, and it had occurred to her that B'Elanna might not be opening up about her feelings because of a belief that no one could possibly understand. Kathryn may not understand fully, but one thing she did is loneliness. When her father and Justin left her, she felt she had no one else in the world, no one who could possibly understand her pain.

“Look around you,” she said. “This whole city is full of people who know what it’s like to lose someone. Hell, you didn't even lose him, Tom’s just on a long mission. He’ll be coming back to you. I know what it's like B'Elanna… waiting for someone to come back to you. He left you here, alone, but there is every possibility that he is coming back. I could help you deal with your pain, but you’ve been so self-absorbed that you don’t see you’re not the only one who's lonely. If you can't take care of yourself, how am I supposed to believe that you can take care of Miral too?” 

B'Elanna’s head went back at this, a flash of anger crossing her face. Still she said nothing, only watching Janeway stubbornly, willing her to give it up. But she was in a battle of wills with a formidable opponent. Abruptly, Kathryn changed tactics. Since making B'Elanna angry hadn’t worked, which surprised her, she was half Klingon after all, and figured she was better at learning to control her anger, she’d try another emotional appeal. And she didn’t want to rehash their conversation form earlier, but B’Elanna is much more open when she’s angry. She put her hand on her friend’s knee and spoke in a gentle tone of voice.

"Lanna, please. You need to talk to someone. Our friendship has come to mean a lot to me, and it’s killing me to see you hurting like this. I want to help.” She saw B'Elanna 's body language softening, and knew she was on the right track. “I would hope that by now, after all the time we’ve spent together, you’d trust me enough to talk to me,” she continued. “And I mean _really_ talk to me. I don’t want to hear what’s happening at the Academy or what the latest gossip is at Starfleet. And as much as I love Miral, I don't want to hear about her right now either. I want to hear how _you_ feel. I want you to confide in me because we’re close friends. And I wish you’d start with why you've been ignoring my calls.”

B'elanna's eyes went wide with shock, and she stared silently at Janeway for several seconds. When she spoke at last, her voice was small and sad.

“I'm sorry Kathryn. You're too good to me you know, I don't know why you want to be friends with me anyway.”

“I can't believe you said that,” said Janeway, a little surprised at this response if not offended. “I didn't think I had to give you a reason why you're my closest friend." She paused. Grabbing B'Elanna's hands, she waited until she had the other woman's full attention. "You're my best friend because when I’m with you, I know you see me as a real person and not just the captain of the famous _Voyager_ ship. It gives me the opportunity to relax and to say things that I could never say to anyone else, not even my mother or sister. That opportunity is incredibly precious to me— I can’t tell you how much.” Somehow her approach had changed from tactical strategy to stark honesty, but she had to say this.

“If I never told you what our friendship means to me, then it’s long overdue. You’re unique. I can’t truly be friend’s with anyone else because no one knows what we went through on _Voyager_ , and I wouldn't be able to make them understand. I'm not close to Chakotay anymore, nor was I ever that close to Seven in friendly way. Tuvok lives on his homeworld, and I wasn't really acquainted with anyone else on _Voyager_ except you. However, we could never have had this kind of friendship on the Voyager, and by no means are you just a last resort. For eight years I’ve been alone… until that wonderful dinner you, Miral, and I had almost five months ago. And now I have someone I can talk to, finally, and it has made _such_ a difference to my life-- just by sharing your life with me, by listening... never judging a single word I said.

"Now I want to do the same for you. Please let me." She grabbed the woman's chin to lift her fallen head. "Please... trust me.” 

B'Elanna pulled her hand from under Janeway’s and put it to her mouth to stifle a sob, not quite successfully. Her eyes were shining with moisture, and she was obviously fighting for control. Finally she took her hand away and spoke in a voice that shook with the effort of holding back the tears. “You don’t fight fair,” she said. “I’m at a low ebb today and you just hit me right where it counts. God, how could anyone resist a request like that?”

Janeway said nothing, giving B'Elanna the time she needed to get herself under control. A few moments later B'Elanna continued in a much stronger voice.

“You have no idea what it means to hear you say that. Placing your complete trust in me is certainly a gift I will always treasure. You’ve been special to me from the beginning; you’re such an extraordinary woman and I knew from the start that you were someone I wanted to get close to. Even when we were on _Voyager_ I wanted to be your close friend, but I knew the rules so I kept my distance.” She sniffed and impatiently swiped an escaped tear from her face. “You’re the only real friend I have, and that’s not even the slightest exaggeration. But all this time I’ve been thinking that you were spending time with me, at least partially, because Tom’s not here.” She gave a bitter laugh. “You know, it wouldn't be the first time someone pitied me and became my friend because of it. It's easier to just shut everyone out.”

Now it was Janeway’s turn to be shocked. B'Elanna, so constantly self-assured and confident, doubts that Janeway wanted to be friends out of pity? She touched B'elanna's cheek gently. “Oh Lanna, that is absolutely not true. I _did_ accept your initial invitation because I wanted to see how you were doing, because I truly care for you. But after that first night, I invited and came to dinner not out of any sense of pity, but because I truly wanted to spend time with you. I enjoy your company tremendously, and I look forward to talking with you whenever I can. I’m honestly not surprised there’s a rumor going around that we’re having an affair," she said sheepishly, her ears turning red. "All my off duty time is spent in your company, and I’m always talking about you and Miral."  

B'Elanna gave the tiniest hint of a smile, waiting for her to finish. This next thing was hard for Kathryn to say. She sighed _. Honesty always is the best policy,_ she thought. She held her breath and looked straight into those big brown eyes. "I’m here right now because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be, and no one I’d rather be with."

“Really?” B'Elanna choked back another sob. Her control was starting to slip again. “I didn’t think you… I mean… oh Kahless, I’ve felt so alone.”

Kathryn put her arms around B'Elanna and hugged her gently. “You’re not alone. I’m right here. I have been all along.” She kissed the top of her head.

At first B'Elanna 's body was stiff, but then Kathryn felt arms go around her as B'Elanna rested her head on her shoulder. That seemed to be as far as she was willing to go, however; she said nothing more. Janeway suppressed a sigh, knowing that B'Elanna would feel it, and tried again.

“Talk to me,” she said softly. “You’re killing yourself trying to hold it all in. Let it go.” 

She felt B'Elanna shake her head. Her next words were muffled, but Janeway heard them well enough for her own heart to ache.

“I can’t. I can’t, Kathryn. It hurts too much.” A sob broke from her then, but B'Elanna took a deep breath and regained control, her body rigid with the effort.

Janeway moved one hand to the back of B'Elanna 's head, holding it to her shoulder with a gentle pressure, and gently rubbed her back with the other. “Yes, you can,” she whispered. “It’s all right. I won’t let go until you do. I want to help you; please let me help you. It hurts me to see you like this. Please talk to me.” She continued to rub her back, whispering in her ear. 

Another sob broke through, then another. Then the dam crumbled at last, and B'Elanna wept, clinging to Janeway in a fierce grip and shuddering as the sobs racked her body.

Kathryn held her and whispered words that made little sense, but she knew that her tone mattered more than anything she could say. The sobs went on and on, until finally they lessened in strength and became gasps, then shuddering intakes of breath, and then at last B'Elanna raised her head and pulled back from Janeway’s embrace, her face drawn and wet with tears. She wiped her bleary, red-rimmed eyes and stared at the older woman, studying her with an unreadable expression. Janeway bore the examination without a word, conveying all the affection and compassion that she could in her silence. What she didn’t dare convey was how right it had felt to hold B'Elanna in her arms, and how she wished she could hold her again, in a different time, with no tears between them.

B'Elanna reached out and caressed Janeway’s cheek once, very gently, then dropped her hand again. “Thank you,” she said.

“You’re welcome,” said Janeway, every cell in her face burning with that innocent caress. But she did not move. B'Elanna was very vulnerable at this moment, and she knew that her friend needed to reestablish control. Still, she was surprised when B'Elanna abruptly rose from the couch and excused herself. Then she heard water running in the kitchen, and understood. The water stopped and a few moments later B'Elanna emerged, her face scrubbed and pink. She went straight to the replicator and paused in front of it. "May I get a drink from the replicator?"

"Go right ahead," she said loud enough for her to hear.

When B'Elanna came back, her hands were wrapped around a steaming mug. She sat cross-legged on the sofa, facing Kathryn with her back against the armrest. “Raktajino,” she explained. “The best comfort food in the world.” She sipped the drink and exhaled with a sigh of appreciation. “I feel like a shuttle ran me over, backed up, and ran over me again."

Kathryn couldn’t help but laugh at B'Elanna's quirkiness, and B'Elanna 's lips quirked into something that was almost a smile. “I’m serious. This is really embarrassing for me.. Tom hasn't even seen me cry like this." She looked annoyed with herself for even showing any kind of emotion. "We’ve just established that we’re best friends not even 10 minutes ago, and you’ve already seen me at my worst. The last time I cried like that was when my father left. You know I can count the number of times I’ve cried, at least in front of someone, on the fingers of one hand.”

Janeway understood perfectly.

“That wasn’t seeing you at your worst, that was seeing you at your most vulnerable. There’s a difference. You’re one of the strongest people I have ever known, and believe me, I don’t think any less of you because I’ve seen you cry. In fact, I think you were long overdue for it.”

“Well, thank you,” said B'Elanna, looking unconvinced. She sipped her Raktajino again, then raised an eyebrow. “I don’t suppose you’ll let me out of here until I talk, will you?”

“I had mother set up a force field before she left,” said Janeway seriously. “To release it, you have to talk for at least ten minutes, and I don’t mean about the décor.”

“You may get more than you bargained for.”

Janeway rolled her eyes. “Stop stalling and talk.”

B'Elanna smiled weakly and leaned back against the sofa arm. She stared into her mug for long minutes, then spoke at last.

“I don’t really know where to start. Some days are hard, and those I can get through by myself. But I look around me, and I think I should be grateful, that I should be happy with what I have. My health, Miral's health, a roof over my head, and though far away, a husband who loves me... How can I feel so bad when I’m alive and well?” She looked up, seemingly waiting for some sort of censure, but Kathryn just nodded.

“When we first got back to Earth, I was so frightened.” she confessed. "Not knowing if I would be put in jail for being a Maquis, not knowing if I had to leave Tom and Miral behind. What kind of earth would we come back to... would my mother want to see me again... Thousands of questions and fears. But Tom was there for me, reassuring me that everything was going to be fine, and I believed him and things turned out okay." B'Elanna opened her mouth as if to say more, but closed it. 

Kathryn waited, and just as she was about to open her mouth, the other woman continued. "You know," she softly said, "I miss Tom. But I don't miss him as much as I thought I would." She looked up into Kathryn's eyes. "I think you're the reason for that."

Before Kathryn could open her mouth to protest, she held up her hands and quickly said, "I don't mean it like that, let me explain. You've been there for me when I needed someone the most. You're always there at the drop of a hat, and I can always bring Miral wherever we go. You go beyond the call of what every godmother should be. I appreciate that more than you'll ever know, and I mean that.

"Everyone I have ever truly loved, has left me in one way or another. The first one to leave was my father when I was eight years old. And although I did leave my mother to join Starfleet, she wanted nothing to do with me when I joined the Maquis years later. My first love Rajel, Kahless only knows why I loved him, left one morning and never came back. And Tom... I know he's coming back, but he left. He left me alone, just like the rest. Even Miral is going to leave me someday. And it scares me. I'm tired of always being left alone in the end." Now, tears were running down her cheeks. She grabbed both of Kathryn's hands and held them close to her heart. "If you ever leave me Kat," she whispered, "I don't know what I would do." 

Tears were coming down from Kathryn's eyes too, and she pulled the smaller woman into her arms. "I'm here B'Elanna," she choked.

B'Elanna turned her head into Kathryn's neck. "Promise me you won't be like the others," she cried. "Promise me you won't leave me alone."

"I promise, Lanna." She turned her head to kiss the Klingon's wet cheek. "I'll only leave if you want me to." She held her tightly in her arms, not just for B'Elanna 's comfort, but for her own. She could feel the collar of her blouse becoming wet. 

"I love you B'Elanna, and nothing anyone will say or do will change that."

B'Elanna pulled away to look at her, searching her eyes for... for what, Kathryn didn't know. "I love you too Kathryn, but not in the--" She was silenced by Kathryn's finger on her lips.

"I know darling, you don't have to say it." Kathryn pulled her back into her arms. "I do too." 

"Kathryn..." she whispered, "what are we going to do?"

"I don't know Lanna... I honestly don't know." _And that's what frightens me_ , she thought. "But I'm here and I'm not letting you go." 

They lay there giving each other the comfort they needed, and finally fell into a restful sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Kathryn woke up with B'Elanna's body cradled in the crook of her arm. She was resting easily against the high back of the sofa, surprisingly free of a stiff neck.

B'Elanna stirred, and Kathryn allowed her a few minutes to finish coming around. "Good morning," she whispered.

"Morning," B'Elanna replied, stretching as she sat up. "Before anything else, Kathryn, I'm sorry for breaking down last night."

The older woman offered a soft smile. "There's nothing to be sorry for, B'Elanna. I'm glad you felt you could trust me enough."

B'Elanna took Janeway's hand, and returned her smile. "I do trust you Kat, with everything I am." They stared at one another for long moments, until B'Elanna let go and stood. "It's time to go get Miral. I bet she's driving Owen up the wall by now, and I'm sure Gretchen would like her house back," she laughed, and then became suddenly shy. "Would... would you like to come with me pick her up? We could all spend the day together, if you want."

Kathryn had a blank look on her face, as if she had a thousand and one things on her brilliant mind. However the only thing on her mind was how it felt to have B'Elanna fall asleep in her arms. She had laid awake watching her love sleep, deep and even breaths causing Lanna's chest to rise and fall... the hint of a smile that stayed on her face as she slept... the way she clung onto Kathryn as if her life depended on it... Not until B'Elanna spoke again did she come out of her reverie. 

"Unless you're already tired of me," B'Elanna joked. She was still a little nervous after last night. _You shouldn’t be. You trust her, don’t know you?_ her inner voice chided.

Kathryn flinched and walked up to B'Elanna and cupped the woman's cheeks, whispering, "I will _never_ tire of you Lanna. I think that's a wonderful idea." She gave B'Elanna a chaste kiss on the lips, and turned around, adding, "Just let me freshen up."

B'Elanna's heads was spinning. _Did she just kiss me?_ She brought her fingers up to touch her tingling lips. _She did, and it felt wonderful_ , she thought. Kathryn had done it without hesitation, as if she'd done it to her for years. It was so natural, so... _right_.

"Kathryn..." she whispered. 

Kathryn stopped and turned. With eyes full of desire, she held out her arms and B'Elanna moved into her embrace, their mouths meeting in a kiss that spanned and compressed the years. Her heart felt like it would burst with the joy that flooded her being. She could feel Kathryn's body tremble and she wrapped her arms more tightly around the petite body. 

Suddenly, Kathryn pulled out of her embrace and walked away a few steps, making B'Elanna cry out in distressed surprise. Kathryn's face was flushed and her chest heaved with her ragged breathing. She put out her hand in a blind gesture.

"What?" B'Elanna exclaimed hoarsely. Her face was flushed, her eyes sparking with growing anger as she clenched her fists. “Decided it wasn’t what you wanted afterall?”

"B'Elanna," Kathryn began, her voice pleading. "Let's think about what we're doing here…" B'Elanna stared at her, eyes still smoldering.

"All right," she said with dangerous calm. "I'm thinking." Kathryn pressed her hands tightly together in front of her, her expression intense.

"B'Elanna," she began, choosing her words carefully, "I want to do this right, for both of us. You're still married to Tom, and I think-" Before Kathryn could even finish, B’Elanna’s face flushed a dark red and she abruptly turned on her heel and started for the door. Kathryn caught her just before she reached it and turned her around. She framed B'Elanna's face with her hands. "You're just as hot-tempered as the day I met you. It's one of the things that I love about you," she said tenderly. "Now listen to me B’Elanna. All you have to do is listen."

B'Elanna stood rigidly, silently staring. Kathryn reached down to take her hand and drew her back across the room to the couch.

"Lanna, I don't think we're ready for things to proceed just yet. For Christ's sake, only two nights ago I said aloud to mother that I'm in love with you!"

"You told Gretchen before you told me?" B'Elanna asked, sounding just a little offended. 

Kathryn sighed. "That's not my point. This is new for both of us, and our feelings are still a bit raw from last night. Let's take things slow and at our own pace, and let things just happen naturally... okay?"

B'Elanna thought about what Kathryn said, and knew she was right. They both have a lot of things to think about. "Okay," she said, giving Kathryn a quick kiss. "Does that mean you don't want to come with me get Miral and spend the day with us?" 

Kathryn had no idea how B'Elanna could be so angry one minute, then shy the next. _Is this how it’s going to be with my half-Klingon? *My* half-Klingon…_ she felt like a teenager again _._ "Of course I will, darling. Why don't we go freshen up then head out?" 

B'Elanna grinned lasciviously.

"Separately Lanna," Kathryn smirked, grabbing her hand and led her up the stairs.

"Damn." She looked forward to the day when there wasn't a need to bathe separately. 

 

=/\=

"Momma!" Miral yelled, excited to see her and practically falling out of Owen's arms to reach her. She hugged her mother fiercely and asked with concern, "Momma no sad?" 

B'Elanna laughed and kissed her daughter, hugging her tight. She loved moments like this. "No, I'm not sad anymore. Thanks Owen for watching her last minute. And tell Elizabeth I said I'm grateful." 

"It was no problem. You know we both love having our grandchild here with us. And with Tom away, I know it's been hard on you..." he trailed off.

B'Elanna looked at Kathryn and smiled sheepishly. "I've had help, so it hasn't been too hard." 

As if suddenly noticing she was there, Miral shrieked, "Kaaatttt!" holding her arms out for the woman to take her. B'Elanna quickly released the little tyke.

"Come here little one. Did you have a good time at Grandpas last night?" Kathryn tickled her tummy making both of them laugh. She kissed her godchild's cheek. "I love you."  

"Wuv you," she replied and gave her a big wet kiss on the cheek. 

B'Elanna couldn't help but smile as she watched them together; the two of them together always made her feel happy. "Thanks again Owen, we'll have you and Elizabeth over soon for dinner." 

Owen opened the door for them. "We're looking forward to it. Kathryn, it was good seeing you again. Give my best regards to Gretchen."

"Of course. Say bye to Grandpa Miral." Miral waved her little hand bye and put her head on Kathryn's shoulder, tired from having too much fun at Grandma and Grandpa's.

 

=/\=

That night B'Elanna made supper while Kathryn bathed Miral. Kathryn would sleep over that night so that they could finish their conversation from the night before. They still had a lot of things to discuss about their relationship.

Kathryn and Miral walked into the dining room just as B'Elanna was setting the table.

"Let me get the food," B'Elanna smiled, putting two wine glasses down on the table.

She disappeared into the kitchen while  Janeway strapped Miral into her highchair.

B’Elanna came back with the food and put it on the table. “This looks delicious Lanna,” she said, smiling. She started fixing Miral’s plate first, cutting her food into small pieces, while B’Elanna went get the drinks. Next was B’Elanna’s plate, then her own.

As they were getting settled, the doorbell rang. Sighing, B’Elanna stood and apologized to her dinner guest who just waved it off. Miral grabbed a handful of food and was about to toss it before said dinner guest caught her in motion. It was becoming one of her favorite things to do when there’s food in reach. 

“Miral, honey, please don’t throw your food,” Kathryn said. “Good little girls don’t throw their food at the wall, even if they’re half-Klingon.” She could hear murmured voices coming from the door, a man’s voice that seemed to be getting louder. She tried to listen, but couldn’t make out any words. Soon B’Elanna started shouting back, telling the man no, he could not. Worried, she made her way to the front door. 

“B’Elanna, is everything all right?” she questioned, from the other room. When she saw who was standing at the front door, a duffle bag in hand, she stopped. “Chakotay, what a pleasant surprise.”

“Kathryn,” he said, confused. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with you, and your aid said you wouldn’t be back from the Barzan II homeworld for another week.”

Confused as well, B’Elanna raised her eyebrows and looked at Kathryn, who looked right back at her with wide eyes then back at Chakotay.

When Kathryn had told her aide to come up with something to tell him, she had never asked about the conversation because she had never thought she would see him during the time she was “away”. _Oh what a tangled web we weave… Though you knew you couldn’t keep putting it off forever Katie._ “We came back early… Just yesterday in fact,” she said, giving credit to her captaincy for playing the lie off so well. She gave B’Elanna a look that said later. “Well, I better go check on Miral. I left her with a plate full of food that is, no doubt, all over the wall. Nice seeing you, Chakotay,” she said, leaving the room.

 

=/\= 

“I’m sorry you and Seven are having problems Chakotay, but like I said earlier, I already have plans tonight. Now if you’ll excuse me, we just sat down to dinner, and I’d like to eat my food hot, not cold,” she said bluntly, slowly closing the door before Chakotay stopped it with his foot. 

“B’Elanna, we’ve been friends for a long time. We’ve fought side by side in the Maquis, we’ve saved each other’s lives more times than I can count--” B’Elanna fought the urge to roll her eyes. When Chakotay needed something or wouldn’t take no for an answer, he liked to guilt them into giving in to his way. It wasn’t one of Chakotay’s finest qualities, but hey, everyone has flaws. And if Chakotay could forgive her for her own, she could surely do the same. What are friends for, right? _So much for having Kathryn to myself,_ she thought irritably. She focused back on Chakotay.

“All I’m asking is for one night, I have no place to go,” he said softly.

B’Elanna clenched her teeth and said, “Just put your bags in the guest room,

“Thanks B’Elanna, I knew I could always count on you. I’ll just take a quick shower before I join you,” she heard him say as he walked passed her and went towards the guest room. _Yeah, sure. Whatever._ As she made her way to the table, she thought about what just transpired. She hated when he guilted her into doing things, it pissed her off more than the original request. Then she thought about the woman who was currently feeding her child. She wasn’t going to send Kathryn home, she had invited the woman in the first place. 

_I wonder if Kathryn would like to sleep with me in my bed tonight? I know I told her she could have the guest room, but, since we have an… unexpected guest…_ B’Elanna knew Kathryn wanted to take things slow, and she had no objections to that. Letting things happen naturally is the best overall plan, mentally and emotionally. _We’ll just be sleeping, that’s all. I respect Kathryn too much to not do this the right way and what’s best for both of us. I can control my hormones, mind over matter._

_Right Lanna, keep telling yourself that,_ her inner voice smirked.

_Shut up P’tahk._

She was pissed that Chakotay ruined their evening, and she was still drained from last night so that didn’t help her temper. As she walked to the kitchen, she took deep breaths hoping it would somehow calm her.

She had her doubts though, because if it didn’t all the times she tried over the years, it damn well wouldn’t work now.

 

=/\= 

Kathryn looked up at the young woman who seemed to be beyond annoyed, and chose to wait for an explanation. She gave a little grin then went back to wiping the wall with a wet towel.

B’Elanna didn’t return the smile as she sat down at the table. “Hu’tegh! [Fuck!]” she exclaimed after a moment, slapping the table hard that made everything on it rattle from the force. 

Kathryn jumped almost 10ft in the air, and Miral started to cry from being scared. Kathryn picked up the child and said sarcastically, “I see you’ve been brushing up on your Klingon. You’ll soon be washing Miral’s mouth with soap if you keep this up”. She bounced the girl in her arms trying to calm her down. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Momma just made a loud noise and scared you. Shhh….” 

B’Elanna fumed. “I can teach my child Klingon curses if I want, it’s my prerogative as her parent.” She was fuming, and Kathryn knew B’Elanna wasn’t mad at her; it was the encounter with Chakotay that seemed to piss her off. Kathryn tried to calm down, but couldn’t hold her tongue.

“Of course it is. Don’t forget to teach her the English curses. Oh, and while you’re at it-” she said lightly, almost as an afterthought, “-teach her the Romulan and Vulcan ones. I, myself, enjoy pronouncing the Romulan curses.” _I play this game very well Lanna,_ she said to herself as she kissed Miral on the cheek. She felt only little pleasure at being able to infuriate B’Elanna further. 

Before B’Elanna could respond, she got right to the topic of the young woman’s irritation, “What did Chakotay want anyway?”

“Seven apparently kicked Chakotay out after one of their heated arguments. He asked to spend the night since he had nowhere else to go, and I told him he could have the guest room after his little guilt speech,” she said crossly. 

Kathryn knew that speech well, he’s used it a couple of times to get his way back on Voyager. “And what am I, chopped liver?” she snapped. Miral started to whimper, sensing the hostility from the two women. 

“What in Kahless are you talking about?” B’Elanna had never heard that phrase before in all her life.

“You’re letting him sleep in the guest room, the place you offered me earlier today. Or am I just that easily to forget?” _Of course Chakotay has to ruin a perfectly good evening_ , she thought to herself. She knew that it wasn’t his fault though, but it was just easy to blame him. She also refused to acknowledge that a little, or maybe big, part of her was jealous of him and their friendship. She continued to bounce Miral to try and calm her down the decided to put her back in her highchair so she couldn’t yell in the child’s ear. She thought about bringing her in the other room, but her thought was interrupted by B’Elanna’s shouting.

B’Elanna stood and said angrily, “Well I was hoping you would sleep with me, but you didn’t give me the chance to ask!”

“B’Elanna you know I want to take things slow between us-”

“So you’re not going to touch me for the next year?” B’Elanna interrupted.

“For God’s sake you’re still married to Tom!” she exclaimed. _What are you doing?_ her little voice howled. _You weren't going to bring that up, remember? Shut up, shut up, shut up!_ her little voice screamed at her, but she couldn’t help herself. 

“Just to _sleep_ Kathryn!”

“Can you honestly say that you could lie there and not have the urge to touch me?” she said icily, crossing her arms that was accompanied by the raised eyebrow. 

“What are you trying to say? That because I’m half-Klingon I wouldn’t be able to control myself?” she huffed with rage, walking up to Kathryn and standing only inches from her face. “It’s nice to know you think I don’t have any respect for you. I’m not some horny Klingon looking for the first piece of meat to-”

“Would you keep your voice down? You’re scaring Miral, and I would rather Chakotay not overhear our conversation. Besides, I think this conversation is over Commander.” _Oh shit._ Kathryn knew that was the wrong thing to say the moment it left her mouth. _Great going, Katie._  

B’Elanna’s face was started to turn red as she pointed her finger at Kathryn. _Oh now she wants to pull rank on me?_ B’Elanna thought. _Well she has another thing comin’ if she thinks she’s going to get away with that._ She was interrupted before she could get a word out edgewise.

“I know I’ve said it a million times, but your shower-” he stopped as he looked up at the two of them who seemed to be in the middle of an argument. “Sorry to interrupt,” he said sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders.

Kathryn chose that moment to say her goodbyes. “No, you weren’t interrupting. I was just leaving.”

“Don’t leave on my account,” Chakotay said. “I thought maybe we could catch up. We hadn’t talked since the Reunion over six months ago.” 

_The hell we will,_ she thought to herself, not ready to deal with Chakotay even six months later. “It’s not because of you Chakotay. I’m still exhausted from the trip, and I need to get some rest before I return to work in the morning.” Kathryn barely heard B’Elanna scoff under her breath, but she chose to ignore it. “We’ll talk soon though, I promise,” she finished softly with a small smile, lying through her teeth.

She kissed and hugged Miral goodbye. “I’ll see you soon little one. You behave for momma while I’m gone,” she smiled, poking her in the tummy making the little girl laugh. Her eyes were still red from crying earlier, and it brought a new wave of anger though she knew B’Elanna didn’t intentionally make her godchild cry.

“Kat sweep wiff me,” Miral said, apparently not so eager to see her godmother leave. She locked her arms around Kathryn’s neck thinking that if she didn’t let go, Kathryn would leave and would have to stay.

Kathryn’s eyes threatened to tear up. “I can’t darling, not tonight. One night soon though I’ll have you stay with me.”

“Nooo, niittee,” she whined loudly.

“I said no Miral. But I promise soon, okay?”

Miral slowed unwound her hands from Kathryn’s neck and shook her head softly. 

Kathryn didn't notice the little smile B'Elanna was trying to hide.

Kathryn kissed her cheek one last time then handed Miral over to B’Elanna and said, “Thanks for the dinner. We’ll talk soon.” Kathryn would have kissed her cheek goodbye, but she was too aggravated with B’Elanna. She needed to leave and calm down before she said something she would regret in front of Chakotay. Kathryn knew she loved B’Elanna immensely, but that woman made her so made sometimes it was hard for her sometimes to keep her own temper in check. She turned leave to go retrieve her overnight bag.

“Yes, Admiral.”

Kathryn stopped walking, but didn’t turn around. She took a deep breath and continued forward to the guest room where her things were. _You deserved that one, Katie dear._

_Shut up,_ she said to her inner voice that she knew was right. 

Before she got to the door, she heard B’Elanna laugh and it made her eyes threatened to spill. It seems like B’Elanna isn’t taking their argument seriously. That, or she just doesn’t care. Before her mind could dissect that thought, she factored in their emotions that were still raw from the previous night and how tired it had made them. 

When Kathryn was outside, she took a deep breath of cold air. Fresh air and the lone walk home would maybe help clear her head.

_Maybe it’s for the better. We’re both tired mentally and emotionally, and keeping some space would do us both some good._

She found herself particularly disappointed with how the evening played out. She had been looking forward to spending the evening with B’Elanna, especially since their feelings for each other were now out in the open.

_You shouldn’t have left,_ she chastised. _Nothing good ever comes out of letting your anger get between the people you love._

_This is not how I planned this evening to go._

“Hu’tegh! [Fuck!]” she said aloud, repeating B’Elanna’s words from earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long, but I don't think you want to hear about why I've been MIA for the past few months. You're just glad I'm here to finally finish writing this story, am I right? Yeah don't worry, I don't blame you either. *smirk*
> 
> Hope you're still sticking with this story dear readers, and you're enjoying it as much as I am!
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. All of my Klingon phrases I got from this website: http://www.khemorex-klinzhai.de/Hol/mix/curses.html.


End file.
